Good Behavior

     I was recently playing an online game at another chess website to see how their games were (trust me when I say, stick to chess.com). My opponent, with a rating 940 points above me made the initial challange. I explained that I hadn't played in a long time due to health reasons and was playing very bad chess. I didn't want this guy to waste his time with a player that was not offering him a challange. He told me it was no problem and we started the game. I did fairly well in the opening and gained equal material. However, by the end of our "middle game" I was losing. He didn't suggest I resign and I felt that at that moment that I need not resign. I was more than willing to resign (as I would do when the game is completely lost and I am just wasting my opponent's time) when the time came.

     I noticed that our instant messenging went from friendly conversation regarding opening technique to a rather cold, slightly cruel lecture on his end of the conversation. I kept my "chit chat" to a minimum since he didn't seem very happy.

     He won the game and I truly enjoyed his playing style. I learned something from it as well. I tried to mention this to him and he ripped me a new one. I made the mistake of trying to explain the circumstances that caused me to essentially learn the game over again. Here's basically what I tried to explain:

     Two years ago I was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. I went through intense amounts of radiation (and chemotherapy). I played chess through the worst of it and I have to say that chess (and the support of my wife and family) saved my life. When I couldn't go on I would start playing chess until the worst of it passed. At one point I was given a 20% chance of living no longer that three months. Thankfully, the treatments destroyed the cancer and I survived. However, the treatments physically and mentally crushed me and it's taken a year to even gain back the smallest amount of concentration. In short, it has made playing chess successfully a difficult road. I will gain back my concentration and game with time. However, until then I have to work extra hard.

     This is why I tell you that I'm not playing well. I try to give people the opportunity, when they challange me, to either play with me or move on to someone else. I don't want to waste your time if you're looking for a player to challange you. It's that simple. I didn't want to give up on chess because I love it and there's no rule that states "Hugh Patterson has to play at a certain level or he can't play online." I have a big ego but manage to check it at the door when I play chess. Even if I could play like a master I wouldn't let my ego drive my judgement.

     I love the game and love writing and blogging about it. As a musician I deal with the ego all the time. I am a good guitar player but I don't slight someone who is a lesser player. You just don't do it. It's your "Karma" job to encourage other guitarists to strive for better playing and you do so with positive words and lessons born from you experience.

     My opponent's parting words were (after a brief explanation regarding my poor game play) was simply this:

     "This was a total waste of time and so are you. That's what I get for playing against some disease ridden old man."

     There you have it. Fortunately, I have had nothing but great experiences with opponents here at chess.com As for me, well I know I have a long hard road ahead of me in order to get my game to an exceptable level and I'm willing to do the work. Yes, his words did hurt me and they did make me feel about two inches tall. It made me ponder the question, what ever happen to good sportsmanship, honor, and basic chess manners?

     The lesson I learned here is that we all need to remember that how we bahave online is a mirror to how we really are inside. Yes, being an anonymous figure on the internet seems to give some people a lisense to behave rudely. However, these people are truly sad individuals if they gain enjoyment from cruelty to others. Tip for the day: Be kind to people who are not as good at chess as you are. Offer them some of your wisdom and knowledge. Be giving of yourself and greet them back when they say hello when starting a game. After all, each of us is an ambassador of chess when we meet our opponent on the 64 sqaures of the black and white battlefield. It's better to be remembered as a really good guy or gal rather than a nasty ego driven being. The person you help by offering your hand across the cyber chess board may go on to do wonderful things in their lives and it might have been started by a simple kind comment from you.

Long story, but well put! You have done well to have got this far in life let alone chess. I have had people i love die from cancer so it's no joke and not something someone should be making insults at. Clearly this person did not lose someone they cared about to it. All the best with your imrovements, you may not ever be quite as good as u once was but as long as u have fun and continue to try it will improve you overall.

Thanks Ian and yes it was a bit long winded. I tend to do that when I start writing about subject matter I'm passionate about (you should hear the long speeches my wife has to sit through. I am surprised she puts up with me). You make a great point: While I'll never be as good as I used to be, it's just fine with me because I play the game because of my love for it. It rewards me far greater than any rating points ever would. Thanks for the kind words....Hugh

Some people are just jerks. Keep blogging & playing bro!

 Thats the great thing about love, if its true then it's there regardless of your faults or short comings. Im glad to see ur keeping urself positive. Something like this always makes us appreciate even more what we do have. A shame it takes some of us something like this to make us sit up and realize it. ratings only matter if u want to get very serious, but u should still be trying to improve ur skills and let the rating improve because of that in my view. Ian.

I completely agree with you Ian and thanks zlhflans I'll never stop playing and I have too big a mouth to ever stop blogging/writing. Yes Ian I wake up every day and appreciate life more than ever (and my wife who puts up with 24/7 chess and who has the ability to work out the most difficult of tactical probems).

*sigh* another example of typical internet trash kids :(  there has to be some way to filter such people :(

We have to take the good with the bad in everything, I also got an issue back in 2006 that made me lower my rating quite a bit, but who cares bottom line if I was a 2600 rated fide GM would still be a patzer compared to 2700 GM's... And chess is actually good for our healt, it helped me regaining the memory and even basic math/calculation skills so I just keep playing it, its both good for us and entertaining

Ok, it was a very touching story of your life. Hope all the best for you. I encourage your love for the game and life generally, never give up...

A great writer once said: new people you get to know may keep hurting you, though, keep trusting, and just be careful with the next ones. (the statement wasn't said in english, that was the best I could translate!)

and btw, I love guitar, too. planning to start learning to play it in the near future

That's so sad that I don't even want to believe it's true 

I am a weak player myself, and I would be honored playing with you at any time - if you feel like, just issue a challenge to me!

I am here for fun, meeting new people and learn. As you can see from my online chess page, I have (at least) one game where my opponent has 0 time left, and I am not claiming the game won on time: I know he is having family problems, and I'd rather wait for him to be back than claiming a victory because he cannot connect.

All this to say: I value much more the experience than the result.

All the best,

Andrea

Mate, if you're old I'm prehistoric!

I am sorry that you had an experience like that. I have a friend at churcu that always puts things in perspective for me, we are doing  a Bible study with accompanying video. And we were making silly comments about one of the people being interviewed, and he pointed out to us would you do that if you were in the room with her? That shamed us all into silence, and made us realize that things once said can never be taken back. So I really guard my mind and tongue. That person obviously has unresolved issues, and I apologize for his words. And I am glad that your cancer is gone,  it has touched my family also. May your road back to this game be paved with great games and friends!

     Bernie

That would have made a great blog, and great for a forum discussion too!

Ran into some with similar dispositions like the one you have mentioned. I may not have been able to have that form of temperance. So that means you are not two inches in height.

Your opponent may have been 940 points above you, but that is all he will ever have. In the words of Susan Polgar,

“Win with Grace, lose with Dignity!”

We should find out who that person is and teach him a lesson. That person is an idiot and a jerk! I am touch of your story. I have relatives and friends who passed away because of cancer and other diseases. That is why I hate those people who insult and disrespect them. I wish you and your family all the best in life. Hope to play chess with you soon.

Boy... do we need Scouting.

Hugh, there is no absolutely no reason for you to feel small. The thing to remember is that if someone is mean to you for no reason, its not because they dislike you...its cos they dislike themselves. The only way they feel good about themselves is by putting others down. 

Well done on beating the cancer ,mate. 

Yeesh. That's a heinous comment. It's a veritable pandemic with the kids today - I haven't witnessed it first hand but you should hear some of the stories as far as what goes on in things like XBOX live - wherein not only does it still have all the anonimity of the internet, but people are mic'd up and can say things to one another. Couple that with the frenzied energy that accompanies first person shooter games...

Thanks folks. One of the many things I love about this site is the sense of community and family. There's not a lot of that going around the social networking sites these days.

     I dislike playing with these mean spirited type of person that you describe. I feel chess is a game that can help people on many levels. Everyone should be encouraged to play chess at all levels and these negative discouraging people do a disservice to  people. The game is good for our mental health. However, it can become the opposite if played in a negative environment. I like to win but I am more concerned with some improvement than winning. I like the turn based chess. You do not get so tired because you have plenty of time for each move. I would be happy to play you . My old computer only allows me to play turn based chess.