How chess should be

A well stocked refreshment bar would be off to one side of the room for when you needed to get up and stretch your legs a bit or for those whose games have concluded.

Unless she's just adoubing?

Actually, they're conforming to our ches club's rules.

This is from Wikipedia (I'm sorry, that's a terrible source in this context, but I couldn't find the earliest edition of Encyclopaedia Brittanica). Summary: before the end of the 19th cenury, players would agree who'd move first, and then choose a colour absolutely independently of whether they moved first or second. For example, in the immortal game, the player who moved first had black pieces, but today we call him "white" in notation, to reduce confusion.

The convention of White having the first move is much more recent than that. François-André Danican Philidor in the original (1749) edition of his famous treatise Analyse du jeu des Échecs cited one game in which Black moved first.^[3] Johann Horny, in a book published in Germany in 1824, wrote that Black moves first.^[4]Phillip Sergeant writes in his book A History of British Chess of the great Alexander McDonnell (1798–1835), remembered today for his series of matches with Labourdonnais:^[5]

He preferred to have Black, as first player as well as second ... this was a common fad in his day, which persisted with a great number of players, as a study of the Chess Players' Chronicle and other magazines shows.

In the Immortal Game (Anderssen-Kieseritzky, offhand game, London 1851), one of the most famous games in history, Anderssen had the Black pieces but moved first.^[6]

As late as the mid-to-late 19th century, the practice of White moving first had not yet become standard. George Walker in his popular treatise The Art of Chess-Play: A New Treatise on the Game of Chess (4th edition 1846), set forth the rules of London's St. George's Chess Club promulgated in June, 1841.^[7] "Law III" provided that the player who moved first had the choice of color; if the players played more games at the same sitting, the first move would alternate, but each player would continue to use the same colored pieces as he had in the first game.^[8]

On October 19, 1857, Mr. Perrin, the Secretary of the New York Chess Club, informed those assembled at the First American Chess Congress that he had received a letter from Johann Löwenthal, a leading English master, "suggesting the advisableness of always giving the first move in public games, to the player of the white pieces."^[9] Löwenthal also wrote that London's chess clubs had adopted a new rule that White always moves first.^[10] The club evidently did not follow Löwenthal's advice, since in its match the following year against its Philadelphia counterpart, Philadelphia played White in both games, but moved first only in the second game.^[11]

Chess historian Robert John McCrary writes that the earliest rule he has found requiring that White move first is Rule 9 given on page 126 of the New York, 1880 tournament book, which specified, "In each round the players shall have the first move alternately; in the first game it shall be determined by lot. The one having the move, in every case, is to play with the white pieces." McCrary observes:^[12]

Cigars and pipes only ! No cigarettes !

How delightful. I feel that the club is taking shape nicely. Bagging a rhino or two is fine, as long as you don't expect anybody to mention it during the game.

Reasonable doubt: you forgot the chewing gum.

"Beards must always be stroked when contemplating the next move, prefferably when the opponent moves as well."

As long as you have your own.

Speaking of bragging ...

"I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas ..."

Why on earth was the elephant wearing your pyjamas?

His were in the wash? I thought it was odd. Now if it had been a zebra ...

In the wash? He should have carried a spare in his trunk.

*groan*

It's not as big as you think.

   Very interesting!

artfizz mock up of the portrait with taped in alien and predetor got no love despite being hillarious.

also this:

is great.

Indeed. But what is it going to be called?

'The Rival Chess Club'?       'Slackers'?      'The Short Spanners'?

 Reminds me of Rimmerworld ...

'RIMMER' GUARD
                    These three abominations stand charged on eight 

                    counts of gross deviancy. Not content with not 
                    looking like the true image, they flaunt freakish 
                    behaviour such as charm, bravery, compassion and 
                    (pauses) honour.
                    
 'RIMMER' EMPEROR
                    Are there no sighs of normalcy in these wretches? 
                    No cowardice or pomposity, no snideyness or smarm, 
                    not even basic honest-to-goodness double-dealing 
                    two-facedness?
                    
 'RIMMER' GUARD
                    Sire, these creatures did not even attempt to sell 
                    each other out for their own freedom - they lack 
                    even the most basic natural drives.

Any draw will be settled by a duel.

And the most honourable men will shoot to miss or refuse to fire.

Red Dwarf is so funny.

I have to say, it doesn't sound as if women would fit in very well at either of these clubs.

If we shot only elephants, we could lessen our carbon footprint by harvesting the resulting ivory bonanza, and making all official Gentleman's Chess set's white pieces out of it. Eco-friendliness with impeccable taste, everbody wins.