Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Jokes
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Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
...and finally... Chuck Norris can kick start a car. Thank you, thank you! 
Hey, the OP wanted jokes and someone mentioned Chuck Norris... what's a guy to do?!
MidnightExpress1 wrote:
corny as hell but well intentioned. One chess player says to another "I like your new chess set." The other guy says "how do you know about my new set?" "Uh i dont know, just heard it through the grapevine." The second guy says "B>S> man you've been over to my house havent you? I havent told anyone about my set. When did you come to my house?" The first guy says "I swear dude i havent been to your house." "B.S. man, dont think i havent seen the way you look at ruby. You're trying to ----- my wife arent you?" The first guy says "Nah, nah you got it all wrong!" The other guy takes out a gun and shoots the other guy dead. " You chump!" he scrteams, "You think i cant put two and two together?" hahahahahahah
Hmmm... unless I'm missing something that seems like a fail dude...
To the OP: Get your joke fix? (Beats "......" right?)
OP = Original Poster or Original Post. Surely a troll like you would know this by now...
By the way, if you really are in prison (which we both know you're not, but for the sake of this post we will say you are), you might think about enrolling in some English classes while you are incarcerated. Your grammar needs improvement.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
MidnightExpress1 wrote:
yes amigo you are right (dont cuff me now) but i asked you WHICH OP you are referring to, i sense a hostility in your voice, remeber i am in jail and you are free. You should give me some leeway and respect. cool? im dead serious copper!
...and again, you're not in jail. You know it, I know it. Why pretend?
OK. Chuck Norris doesn't swim, he beats the crap out the water until it takes him wherever he wants to go.
Also, if you WERE in prison, the last thing you'd get from me is leeway and respect.
akafett wrote:
OK. Chuck Norris doesn't swim, he beats the crap out the water until it takes wherever he wants to go.
+1
LOL real mature (and not even remotely realistic). This bicker-fest is over.
Private message me your name, inmate number and place of incarceration to run through NICS database. Until I see that I'm convinced you're making it all up. The only inquiring minds are you and I, and this whole thing is senseless given that this is a website about chess.
"Hurt me," said the masochist.
"No," replied the sadist.
A dyslexic man walks in to a bra.
Scientists have discovered that one drop of Chuck Norris' sweat could take the space shuttle to Mars and back again.