My Rematch Request Was Rejected!

Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.
The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death.
That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me."
And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he
suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies
wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and
lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly
made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort
forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both
hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the
kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate
chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic
love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world
a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the
table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched
lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his
mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and
withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of
the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his
wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

Oh man !!  #8779 s too much

Ha,ha! I bet he would agree.

Your opponent can do what he wants. Beggars can't be choosers! End of story.

LOL

Arankaaa, I believe you are right,lol!

What do you mean by that? This is just common sense.

yes it is, which is EXACTLY why you are behind the curveball. It's the content that counts, not the first post XD

Bloggs loved these.

It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota who decided to go to Florida for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. Since both spouses worked, they had difficulty coordinating their schedules, so the decision was made to have the husband leave for Florida on a certain day, with the wife following him one day later. The man made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an email. However, he left off one letter in typing his wife's email address and sent the email off without realizing his error.

In another part of the country, a widow had just returned from the funeral of her husband, a pastor of many years who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She decided to check her email because she was expecting to hear from her husband's relatives and friends. Upon reading the first email she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor.

The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following email message:

To My Loving Wife:

I've just been checked in. Everything has-been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then.

Your Devoted Husband.

PS: Sure is hot down here

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Perfect. We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.

Lol

Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.
 
He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check.  By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler, Brutus.  He won't bother you.  But, whatever you do, do not under ANY
circumstances talk to my parrot!"
 
When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.
 
But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.
 
However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling.  Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!!"
 
To which the parrot replied: "GET HIM, Brutus!!"

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." 

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. Okay," he says,
"They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying

"@FBloggs will not be missed. Good riddance"

~@superchessmachine