What is your naughtiest chess fantasy?

What is your naughtiest chess fantasy?

winning

i'd love to get giant inflatable chess pieces, inflate them and place them around my bed so they look at me at night and punish me for all my bad moves of the day. so then I can tell the queen to show me how its done.

AlNoss that's [please refrain from using expletives -- MOD] up.

I also want to walk into the clergy room of a big important cathedral with black and white checkered flooring, and stand really rigidly infront of a bishop, and when he asks me what I am doing id run diagonaly towards him and bump him amd say "ey buddy you should be on the dark squares!"

until security comes and I have to escape only stepping on the white squares. then when the security comes and catches me id acuse them of cheating because they are pawns and can only catch me diagonally

then id avoid the fine by claiming insanity

We can do it in the library, on top of books, but you can't be too loud.
You wanna make a brother beg for it, give me TLC, cus you know I be too proud.

Trying to find a naughty chess fantasy is like reading the phone book in search of the holy grail. It is like going to the middle of the Gobi desert expecting to find a porpoise or like looking for humor in Brussels. It is just not going to happen man.

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this is surprising m8, according to your exceptional ability to brag the hell out of threads and the general quality of your posts (and even ur profile picture), the overall contribution to this site would serve as a good foundation for chess fantasies.

I don't want to go into details, but it involves the entire set, a whole other one, and a few pawns from a third. and a game notation book positioned to watch.

I think you might like Shogi.

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[Any more of such offensive material and you'll be muted, at least. Mod.]

There's a lot of comorbidity between the two as well.