Why do women complain about being sexualized then at the same time start fan clubs of themselves on chess.com complete with hundreds of pictures in skimpy outfits?
What it's really like being a female chess player.
Sort:
Neverfearthedark wrote:
Females that play chess are surrounded by an allure and mystery in the chess world. We are seen as a beautiful and tragic anomaly for the pleasure of the male gaze. A nice novelty that people can read about and think "That's nice. Feminism has come so far." The reality of being an actual woman who plays chess is far less poetic.
As a woman, I deal with sexism almost every time I play chess. I have experienced sexism from relatively minor offenses that in some twisted way could be seen as a compliment, to serious sexual harassment. The day to day life of a female chess player is fraught with micro and macro agressions from male chess players.
Naturally, I'm sure a few of my sweet readers will be skeptical of my claims. But one would only need to spend a few weeks checking my direct messages to see some of the ridiculous and lude things dudes feel like they can send to me, and they would clearly see the stuff I have to put up with. Or perhaps instead I should describe how a guy I played in a tournament once suggested that the only reason I won was because of my cleavage. Like for real? I've played hundreds of guys, and never once was I so overcome with sexual attraction that I wasn't able to focus on my game. Or maybe that's not serious enough. Maybe I need to talk about how a fellow chess player consistently would seek me out and make uncomfortable and unwanted sexual advances on me.
Whatever the case may be, whatever evidence that the world needs to understand the prominence of sexism in the chess world, is beyond my understanding. Instead, I'd rather just call it like it is, and hope that talking about will in some way lead to change.
sorry i refuse to read any text on a bright red background
jesus freaking christ!
Mar 18, 2016
0
#185
Heisenberg59 wrote:
Neverfearthedark wrote:
Females that play chess are surrounded by an allure and mystery in the chess world. We are seen as a beautiful and tragic anomaly for the pleasure of the male gaze. A nice novelty that people can read about and think "That's nice. Feminism has come so far." The reality of being an actual woman who plays chess is far less poetic.
As a woman, I deal with sexism almost every time I play chess. I have experienced sexism from relatively minor offenses that in some twisted way could be seen as a compliment, to serious sexual harassment. The day to day life of a female chess player is fraught with micro and macro agressions from male chess players.
Naturally, I'm sure a few of my sweet readers will be skeptical of my claims. But one would only need to spend a few weeks checking my direct messages to see some of the ridiculous and lude things dudes feel like they can send to me, and they would clearly see the stuff I have to put up with. Or perhaps instead I should describe how a guy I played in a tournament once suggested that the only reason I won was because of my cleavage. Like for real? I've played hundreds of guys, and never once was I so overcome with sexual attraction that I wasn't able to focus on my game. Or maybe that's not serious enough. Maybe I need to talk about how a fellow chess player consistently would seek me out and make uncomfortable and unwanted sexual advances on me.
Whatever the case may be, whatever evidence that the world needs to understand the prominence of sexism in the chess world, is beyond my understanding. Instead, I'd rather just call it like it is, and hope that talking about will in some way lead to change.
sorry i refuse to read any text on a bright red background
Not tempted myself.
women love being attractive to men, spend tons of time and money to look attractive, but call us pigs for being attracted to them; they blame us and say "Why do women have to look a certain way, when men don't?" Answer: you DON'T have to look a certain way, so stop. And stop blaming us.
X_PLAYER_J_X wrote:
TRextastic wrote:
Words.............A good number of men are pigs, or rude, or whiny...............Words........................
Have you ever stopped to wonder why a good number of men act like pigs, rude, or whiny toward you?
Perhaps the actions you are recieving from them are in response to your actions!
You have already showed how rude, whiny, and mean you can be toward the OP.
Maybe if you was a nicer person other people would be nicer toward you!
Maybe than a good number of men would act like gentlemen, nice, and kind!
My father once told me
"Son you recieve from the World what you give. If all you give is rude-ness and hatred to other people. You will recieve rude-ness and hatred from people"!
The people I know are nice.
I believe the main reason is because I am nice.
I rarely get upset and when I do people often know about it.
I don't tolerate foolish-ness.
I block people, move on, & stay happy!
An so with that in mind your below statement is incorrect:
A good number of men are pigs, or rude, or whiny, but so are women.
TRextastic you live in a different world than I do.
A good number of men and women I know are kind, nice, and would give you the shirts from there back in your time of need!
Trying out your new enter key, I see. But yeah I was a little rude, so what? Just because I didn't go out of my way to be pleasant or polite when I strongly disagree isn't something for you to cry over. How would you like me to state just how nonsensical I find this post? "Hi sweetie, you made so many good points but I disagree. Don't worry, I still think you're awesome and just so beautiful but maybe you should reconsider some of your comment?" That would be me being fake. And I'm not going to be fake just because people like you can't handle reality.
And the majority of men don't act like pigs, rude, or whiny toward me. I already said that the men I've encountered for the most part on here and in tournaments are incredibly nice and show respect toward me and my fellow female players. OP is the one whining and saying she's constantly bombarded with mean, rude men who harrass her. So if it's something a person brings on themsevles, like you suggest, why don't you ask her?
I have a lot of amazing men and women in my life. I don't need to act a certain way to get your approval so you'll like me.
why did you use red background?
ab121705 wrote:
women love being attractive to men, spend tons of time and money to look attractive, but call us pigs for being attracted to them; they blame us and say "Why do women have to look a certain way, when men don't?" Answer: you DON'T have to look a certain way, so stop. And stop blaming us.
I just want more honesty in all of it. Just admit that you get a lot of good impressions on others and yourself based on looks (among other things, but looks being a fairly big one). I tend to prefer the less superficial personally, but I don't think there's any real problem with those who somewhat care about their looks -- but then you have to at least admit that you're giving into your more basic urges, and letting them influence you somewhat. And that's fine. Humans can be influenced by lots of things. But there are too many people that are influenced by how they look, yet at the same time insist, no, they don't need any approval, they take an hour to get ready purely for the fun of it. And maybe some legitimately do, but a lot of people are lying about it. So I dunno.
Just don't spend three hours prettying yourself up and then bitch to me because you "have to" spend 3 hours prettying yourself up.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO. AND I'M NOT PAYING THAT MUCH ATTENTION ANYWAY.
Mar 21, 2016
0
#192
Elubas wrote:
ab121705 wrote:
women love being attractive to men, spend tons of time and money to look attractive, but call us pigs for being attracted to them; they blame us and say "Why do women have to look a certain way, when men don't?" Answer: you DON'T have to look a certain way, so stop. And stop blaming us.
I just want more honesty in all of it. Just admit that you get a lot of good impressions on others and yourself based on looks (among other things, but looks being a fairly big one). I tend to prefer the less superficial personally, but I don't think there's any real problem with those who somewhat care about their looks -- but then you have to at least admit that you're giving into your more basic urges, and letting them influence you somewhat. And that's fine. Humans can be influenced by lots of things. But there are too many people that are influenced by how they look, yet at the same time insist, no, they don't need any approval, they take an hour to get ready purely for the fun of it. And maybe some legitimately do, but a lot of people are lying about it. So I dunno.
I wonder what you mean? Not that you mean anything, humans can mean something or not, they don't necessarily mean something. But I do wonder, even though I'm able to wonder about anything, it's not like I have to wonder, and some people don't wonder which is fine. So lets say I am wondering about your meaning, that doesn't mean it's all I do, or all anyone does, it's just as meaningful not to mean or wonder. Some humans wonder about meaning and others don't. And that's fine. I tend to think everything is fine, even though I see that you could look at it and perceive and view and use the sense of sight with your eyes that everything may not be fine for everyone, et cetera, et cetera....
aw jeez! that's a brill post by trysts! it even beats cognito ergo sum! it's a great historical day on chessdotcom! oh de tymes dey r a chayyyyyhayhayjen!
Think hard about what you're reading. One person writing about her negative experiences on one website has riled the opinionated and created loads of comments and counterviews.
If the topic was only "in her head", or was just a "get over yourself" moment, then why is so much energy being expended to refute it? Why so many comments back and forth? Why the attacks on character? If its all about nothing, then why be baited so easily?
If the blogger had written that extraterrestials were controlling minds on this website, I'm guessing not much debate would take place. Except for the fringes, there would be only dismissal.
Where there is smoke... Thou dost protest too much.
Mar 21, 2016
0
#195
trysts wrote:
Elubas wrote:
ab121705 wrote:
women love being attractive to men, spend tons of time and money to look attractive, but call us pigs for being attracted to them; they blame us and say "Why do women have to look a certain way, when men don't?" Answer: you DON'T have to look a certain way, so stop. And stop blaming us.
I just want more honesty in all of it. Just admit that you get a lot of good impressions on others and yourself based on looks (among other things, but looks being a fairly big one). I tend to prefer the less superficial personally, but I don't think there's any real problem with those who somewhat care about their looks -- but then you have to at least admit that you're giving into your more basic urges, and letting them influence you somewhat. And that's fine. Humans can be influenced by lots of things. But there are too many people that are influenced by how they look, yet at the same time insist, no, they don't need any approval, they take an hour to get ready purely for the fun of it. And maybe some legitimately do, but a lot of people are lying about it. So I dunno.
I wonder what you mean? Not that you mean anything, humans can mean something or not, they don't necessarily mean something. But I do wonder, even though I'm able to wonder about anything, it's not like I have to wonder, and some people don't wonder which is fine. So lets say I am wondering about your meaning, that doesn't mean it's all I do, or all anyone does, it's just as meaningful not to mean or wonder. Some humans wonder about meaning and others don't. And that's fine. I tend to think everything is fine, even though I see that you could look at it and perceive and view and use the sense of sight with your eyes that everything may not be fine for everyone, et cetera, et cetera....
just don't get stuck in a lift with him 
I don't actually know how to respond to your so called problems. I have seen women play chess in real life but never seen people complained they lost due to cleavage. in UK, female chess player is a rarity. well, at least when I represented nottingham in the national finals, I literally seen like at most 15 female chess players. or just 15 females and nobody actually cared. maybe it is time you join a club with actual adults. mature adults.
Mar 21, 2016
0
#198
Well, mostly it's like thinking, then moving a piece, then making a face because you just noticed a better move, then hoping he doesn't notice ....probably a whole lot like being a male chess player.
Mar 21, 2016
0
#199
batgirl wrote:
Well, mostly it's like thinking, then moving a piece, then making a face because you just noticed a better move, then hoping he doesn't notice ....probably a whole lot like being a male chess player.
I played a few OTB tournaments at a book store years ago. One time I was followed around in between games by a couple of guys. They made me uncomfortable. In fact that's why I stopped going there. I just wanted to play chess. It was fun the first few times, but then it wasn't.
trysts wrote:
Elubas wrote:
ab121705 wrote:
women love being attractive to men, spend tons of time and money to look attractive, but call us pigs for being attracted to them; they blame us and say "Why do women have to look a certain way, when men don't?" Answer: you DON'T have to look a certain way, so stop. And stop blaming us.
I just want more honesty in all of it. Just admit that you get a lot of good impressions on others and yourself based on looks (among other things, but looks being a fairly big one). I tend to prefer the less superficial personally, but I don't think there's any real problem with those who somewhat care about their looks -- but then you have to at least admit that you're giving into your more basic urges, and letting them influence you somewhat. And that's fine. Humans can be influenced by lots of things. But there are too many people that are influenced by how they look, yet at the same time insist, no, they don't need any approval, they take an hour to get ready purely for the fun of it. And maybe some legitimately do, but a lot of people are lying about it. So I dunno.
I wonder what you mean? Not that you mean anything, humans can mean something or not, they don't necessarily mean something. But I do wonder, even though I'm able to wonder about anything, it's not like I have to wonder, and some people don't wonder which is fine. So lets say I am wondering about your meaning, that doesn't mean it's all I do, or all anyone does, it's just as meaningful not to mean or wonder. Some humans wonder about meaning and others don't. And that's fine. I tend to think everything is fine, even though I see that you could look at it and perceive and view and use the sense of sight with your eyes that everything may not be fine for everyone, et cetera, et cetera....
It's getting real old, trysts. You need some new material. Either that or actually think for a second or two and understand what I'm saying.
But yeah, it actually kind of is good to talk like that, in my opinion. People would have way fewer clashes if they qualified their statements a little, instead of treating things as absolutes. Absolutes are really bad at representing the world because they're pretty much never true, and they just polarize people.
Have you ever stopped to wonder why a good number of men act like pigs, rude, or whiny toward you?
Perhaps the actions you are recieving from them are in response to your actions!
You have already showed how rude, whiny, and mean you can be toward the OP.
Maybe if you was a nicer person other people would be nicer toward you!
Maybe than a good number of men would act like gentlemen, nice, and kind!
My father once told me
"Son you recieve from the World what you give. If all you give is rude-ness and hatred to other people. You will recieve rude-ness and hatred from people"!
The people I know are nice.
I believe the main reason is because I am nice.
I rarely get upset and when I do people often know about it.
I don't tolerate foolish-ness.
I block people, move on, & stay happy!
An so with that in mind your below statement is incorrect:
A good number of men are pigs, or rude, or whiny, but so are women.
TRextastic you live in a different world than I do.
A good number of men and women I know are kind, nice, and would give you the shirts from there back in your time of need!