not cold hearted at all. just a fact of life. no one says you can't play chess because you're a girl. if you choose to participate in a male dominated activity you should expect to also deal with male behavior. same thing applies to a guy who chooses to participate in a female dominated activity. sexual harassment is illegal but sexism isn't.
How about this: How about the males behave like men and not horny little boys?
Whatever dude. You're known for obfuscating your radical views with wishy-washy verbiage.
The ridicule is not because of the verbiage, but the underlying prejudice wrapped in a cloak of tolerance.
Right, ridicule could never be the fault of the ridiculer. What you call obfuscation actually takes a lot of self-reflection. When I qualify my statements, well, the only way I can do that is to consider other points of view with almost every point I make. That is putting in a ton of effort in looking at the other side. You think that's fun? lol. I consider it a necessary part of understanding my own view. Because frankly I care about that. More so than ridiculing those who disagree with me. I respond fairly to people's points, including yours, rather than ridicule your style, for example.
So... yeah, I think it's kind of a problem that, not only do people really want to ridicule an opposing view, when a person doesn't do that for a change, it's considered obfuscation, rather than progress. That's kind of sad. I do none of the ridiculing (ok, search all of my posts for an exception, then forget about my point completely as always), but I'm blamed when I am ridiculed. I think that's kinda dickish, and shows clearly who's not putting in effort to be understanding, but ok, that's life.
I would say, it's a perfectly valid thing to take issue with my views, but to try to turn the extremely careful way in which I express them into a negative, rather than the complete opposite, it is a bit sad. There's a massive difference between liking a person's view and liking the way in which that person expresses it.
Descartes would like to have a word with you:
How charitable. Pretty much me taking twice as much effort to make every post I make, because I try to look at things outside of what my first and dearest impression tells me -- but let's just interpret that negatively. So yeah, my defense (as if I am on trial lol) is basically, the amount of effort it takes to do what I do is what shows that I care, pretty simple actually, not convoluted this time :) My conduct speaks for itself.
Whereas... people who don't take the extra time to look past their initial conception about a person don't care enough to do so, and care too much about the comfort of assuming that just because something seems a certain way from their perspective, that must mean they're right, because they're just so darn smart how could their first thought be wrong?
I guess like Socrates, I will also be convicted, but at least I got the opportunity to let my defense be known :) Chess.com forums are an intense place ain't they?
he is trying to think it out for himself ? but is unaware he never makes any progress ?
Is that a good attitude? Don't try something because you're too caught up with results? I don't lose anything here. And I'm happy to examine myself. Whether people are right about me being a bad person or they're full of crap, I'll try to take whatever useful thing I can from it. I do ultimately want to improve myself, because that has a positive impact on everyone I'm around. So I consider what people say about me, even if I don't ultimately end up agreeing.
Last time I put my picture on my profile, every day I had women knocking on my door.
Sometimes I even let them out.
Elubas < Socrates
Well Socrates is a pretty awesome fellow from what I know of him.
"But over the years I have learned that Men (not all but most) are wired differently and they cannot help themselves,"
Even despite the fact that you qualify the statement, it's still problematic. When you say very strong things like "they cannot help themselves," it makes it seem like they don't even have complex thought processes that makes them do things, despite being a complex human being. To say that a person is programmed to do something is going too far and is largely false. And it's problematic when people believe in this falsity, because it makes people think that they can't change their own behavior, and it becomes a rather fuzzy way of justifying inappropriate behavior. Men might try to make excuses for their actions with this "programmed" argument but that's not being very responsible.
can't help but wonder if females make too much of sexism. face it. there are difference between how men an women think and behave. if a man decided to join an all girls synchronized swim team he knows what kind of reaction he'll get. if he doesn't get harassment from the girls you know he'll catch it from the guys .
Sexism is a form of bigotry and it's very very very prevelant in the world. So prevelant that you come to ignore it, until some days you just want to scream. On those days, the days you do scream, men say that you're disturbing their peace...
I would probably take out the "very's" myself, although a lot can depend on the country, etc. And yes, my judgment is limited because I can't actually experience a lot of what you say myself, being a man. But at the same time three very's is a lot, and given the tone some women tend to have, I do wonder if they exaggerate things for the purpose of a battle of the sexes. On one hand I can't totally trust my own instincts, but I can't be a doormat to people either. Women are people and from what I know of people, they don't always express themselves fairly and rationally. Although in any individual case of a woman suffering, I genuinely support her and feel for her.
But yeah I can't really relate to screaming about things in general myself. There are things I hate about this world, but I still express that hate pretty rationally. And I think that communicates things a lot better. We all have problems but remember that we are part of the very world we're complaining about. For the sake of others, we are still responsible for putting in a certain amount of effort to express our problems appropriately. For example, if you're angry on a particular day, try not to take it out on others, no need to spread it, because it makes things even worse. I don't know, just some thoughts. But maybe this will give us a better understanding on the different perspectives that we come from and how that affects us?
And I'm sorry for the blocks of text. I just have ideas that I want out there and frankly, I'm not always sure how to express them. But at least I got them out somehow, even if inefficiently.
Personally, I have found very little overt sexism during my life. Most of that which I have encountered has been either clothed in jocularity or camoulflaged with layers of more observable motives. Occassional blatant and rude remarks I attibute to those individuals' lack of self-restraint rather than some general social failure. I believe any group, however it's defined, suffers from this type of bigotry - just some more than others. If one compares the status of women a century ago to our status today, the difference is almost mindboggling and even a half-centruy ago the situation was entirely different than it is presently. This to me is an indication of a society able to become less close-minded, intolerant, and rigid if given reasons to do so. It's interesting to me to note that women's rights (that is, rights equal to that of men) followed the heels of racial civil rights. Maybe women owe something to the Civil Rights movement, although women are hardly a minority. I feel most men, by a high degree, are good-hearted and that much of the discrimination that occurs is either out of ignorance or just lack of consideration but not out of some mean or evil intent (though some of that exists). But I also believe there is a residual effect whereas notions of old linger on in the subconscious and sometimes manifest themselves. So, I'd say I occasionally get miffed by certain expressed attitudes but in day-to-day life, I don't feel inadequate and seldom feel treated as if I am. One can change a society only so much by treating the outside; the inside needs time to catch up. I think that's where we're at right now.
of course being a bat. this is all acedemic right?
Men love women and few are the ones that don't love girls. Most of the time I let them win, but not too easily. I dont do that if they are very, very ugly or if they are rude to me.
In rated OTB game I don't care about his/her gender. If she is very beautiful maybe that I wont even look at the game. Being beaten by a woman isn't a problem, many men are more women that women in chess world.
It is easier to get a title. FIDE uses gender discrimination.
The only gender differences that really bother me are the stereotypes. Even when people know me they assume I like certain things or don't like certain things because I am a woman. And it goes both ways. Men and women segregate themselves a lot. I wouldn't mind just hanging out with a group of girls, but my girl friends just want to go dancing. My guy friends, on the other hand, go play golf. I'm much more interested in playing a round of golf than going clubbing. But it's a "hanging with the guys" type of situation that I can't really be included in.
And it's because of this that women get so much attention in male-dominated areas. I think men (very generally speaking) don't really grasp how individualistic women are. So when a girl likes chess, video games, sports, etc. it's like a peacock.
In rated OTB game I don't care about his/her gender. If she is very beautiful maybe that I wont even look at the game. Being beaten by a woman isn't a problem, many men are more women that women in chess world.
I think this is a good example of how men say sexist things without even realizing it. Stop using "women" as an insult.
saying ''some men in chess world arw more women than some women'' is because they can get angry for a nothing, I didn't mean to be sexist but this stereotype is kinda true, not totally but it happens often... I have just to look at my mom, my ex girlfriends or some of my chess club players.
I'm not subscribing to Radiovitch's Scientology. No way Jose.
Get the privilige of being able to sit next to alisa melekhina, or tatev abrahamyan, and you will be glad they play chess.
After about 310 post, I finally decided to look at the OP picture to see what the big fuss was about.
As it turns out I am 95% confident that the OP will not experience any sexism or sexual harrassement.
The 5% who will do the above stuff out of stupidity will come from chess.com's blind members.
Which is to say I don't think she has to worry about them.
Although I can sympathize with your view on sexism in the chess world, I have had my fair share of "what are you wearing?", "What else do you 'do over the board'?", "Do you have snap chat?" etc. It gets ridiculous sometimes when all you want to do is play a fun game and possibly socialize in a intellectual and/or platonic way. But over the years I have learned that Men (not all but most) are wired differently and they cannot help themselves, when they spot estrogen in what is predominantly a testosterone driven world. Its pretty much in their nature. This can sometimes be to a woman's advantage during the game. When I run into a particularly unpleasant male I use his words against him. Sometimes they get very angry and resign, other times they try to pursue their sexual advances (this is when blocking chat comes in handy), and then sometimes they just give up and we continue the game in silence. In all three situations I win. I guess it is all on how you look at it. In a perfect world, we as women would not have to be subject to this form of aggrivation, but we don't so its best to use what we have to turn the tables. I have to honestly say that I find it so very rewarding when I get on the table with some of the jerks and whoop them. You wouldn't feel that type of reward if it wasn't for their male ego. LOL.