Okay. Touching a piece demonstrates intent to move, or in your case, resign. However, if it's clear you didn't intend to (knocking over a pawn while reaching for a hanging queen for instance), you are not actually forced to: it's up to the arbiter to decide whether it was a genuine accident or a blunder (and resigning in a not lost position is incorrect analysis of the position and therefore a great blunder indeed). So while you can claim it wasn't intentional, it's only going to help if it was obviously and accident and you have witnesses.
When you accidentally knock your king over

I know your type. 100% by the book. For the likes of you I like to touch all of my pieces at the same time accompanied by an exuberant maniacal laugh.

And of course, I saw a really dirty trick at a recent tourney. A kid picked up his roook, noticed his queen was left en prise, quickly said j'adoube and put the rook down. The other player protested, and thanks to the surrounding witnesses, the arbiter forced him to play with the rook.
There would have been no way to prove it otherwise.
And your opponent says "He resigns!" or "I accept!". My God that never gets old! Will the hilarity ever end?