Which is the best opening
For black, objectively speaking the Grunfeld Defense and the Berlin Defense seem to be best. For white, who knows?
The August 2018 issue of Chess lists the top twenty openings compiled from a list of 2415 May games where both players were rated over 2400 Elo. One can not take position on this list too seriously because it is greatly influenced by how the openings are grouped. For example, all the Retis are grouped together, while English is separated into 1...c5, 1...e5, etc. Nevertheless, for what it is worth, some of the list entries are: 181 Retis, 104 declined Queen's Gambits, 97 King's Indians, 95 Caro-Kanns, 89 Berlin Lopezes, 79 Nimzo-Indians, 70 Najdorf Sicilians, 68 Slavs, 65 1...e5 Englishes, 55 Catalans, 53 Petroffes, 43 1...c5 Englishes, 42 1...e6 Englishes, 42 1...Nf6 Englishes, 42 Giuoco Pianos, and 42 Classical Gruenfelds.
"There is no such thing as a 'best opening.' Each player should choose an opening that attracts him. Some players are looking for a gambit as White, others for Black gambits. Many players that are starting out (or have bad memories) want to avoid mainstream systems, others want dynamic openings, and others want calm positional pathways. It’s all about personal taste and personal need.
For example, if you feel you’re poor at tactics you can choose a quiet positional opening (trying to hide from your weakness and just play chess), or seek more dynamic openings that engender lots of tactics and sacrifices (this might lead to more losses but, over time, will improve your tactical skills and make you stronger)." - IM Jeremy Silman (January 28, 2016)
https://www.chess.com/article/view/opening-questions-and-a-dream-mate
"... A typical way of choosing an opening repertoire is to copy the openings used by a player one admires. ... However, what is good at world-championship level is not always the best choice at lower levels of play, and it is often a good idea to choose a 'model' who is nearer your own playing strength. ..." - FM Steve Giddins (2008)
Plz note that I’m a total noob and don’t actually try it
Plz note that I’m a total noob and don’t actually try it
That idea is bad due to the fact that your position will have more holes in it than Swiss cheese. Your opponents knights will just camp out on them while you have no play what so ever. (also you will have a lot of weak pawns and if your opponent can open files up then attacking them will be easy).


The heady spring of Eighteen Ninety Four turned saturnine with the outhouse controversy that gripped the chessworld and shook it to it's very core. The World Championship Match between Willy Stienitz and Manny Lasker had New York publications asking openly: who is this plucky up-and-comer with all his outrageous demands. Who does this guy think he is, a travelling troubador? Indeed, the Capricorn's gamesmanship began before the opening pawn was pushed. First, there was the new moon demand: the outhouse provided was unsuitable, claimed challenger Lasky, because of an oldmoon on the door -- at least from the viewpoint of the sitting position. Organizers scrambled to remedy the situation.
initial accomodations
second outhouse (Round 1-11)
After a stinging string of five straight Manny wins, Willy's team took up a protest that original contract was not being honored and therefore their team would refuse to play. A compromise was struck:
the Montreal doublewide
It worked; Steiny stopped the bleeding, then went onto win the next two games. Laskman's team then jumped into action; claiming the champ was visiting the loo too too. An earnest investigation was undertaken and found inside the outhouse was not only a half torn Sears Catalog, but Fiske's landmark The Book of the First American Chess Congress.

not only that, cricital pages were missing.
A diving expedition was put into place, ha ha ha ok