Where's my thesaurus?
Putting that 20pound book away, I agree on a level. While I believe having the choice in the hands of the people driving, it may also ruin chess for some people. Regional play, not actual servers, but a stronger chance for two players to hook up they have decent connections to one another would go a long way.
People with ISP connections or computers that don't meet the minimum speed/connection requirements to reliably interface with the live chess (realtime) should be restricted somehow, or people should be given the choice as to whether to play them with foreknowledge of the situation.
If it sounds mean, it isn't. It's just reality. It is just honest. It is just fair, and it is reasonable.
You don't let a pedestrian stand in the middle of busy traffic if they don't happen to have a vehicle, even if you feel sorry for them. It doesn't benefit anyone. It's a losing proposition for all involved.
If they have sporadic reliability, then expose a statistic that reflects the current % of disconnects, trends, etc... And let people filter. If everyone chooses not to play people with a high rate of disconnects, it tells you what the will of the live chess community really is, and chess.com should honor that. But maybe it would work out well if you just let everyone make informed decicions about who to play in advance, including information about their connection reliability and extreme disconnect frequency and dynamically amortized trends.