Burnout is a matter of enjoyment in something, and depends almost entirely on the external and internal pressures you have either on yourself, or from others. I don’t think it’s that hard to manage - you just have to be smart about it and ask yourself the real questions about how you’re feeling, etc.
In this case, your external pressure is being labeled as the ‘smart kid’, and wanting to continue to be known for your intelligence. Your internal pressure is… you. At the end of the day, do what you want to do and be happy. It’s not worth putting so much time and effort into something you’re just doing for others and don’t even truly like.
Good post, by the way.
Over the past few months, through increased social interaction and others’ impressions of me, I’ve been thinking a lot about gifted children and how many of them inevitably burn out. I’ve always told myself to “believe in your dreams and work hard”, or something equally naïve, to avoid burnout unlike countless others. However, I’ve come to realize that society is essentially a prison for gifted kids. And every single opportunity that isolates these children, puts them on this pedestal—every single one is just a jail cell with a fancy key.
Despite my resolve to not burn out, I have realized that regardless of my circumstances and environment, this may be inevitable. From a young age, I was quickly labeled as a “gifted” child and isolated through homeschooling. This caused me to lose motivation in late elementary school. I learned difficult material but could not feel any sense of achievement from it anymore. In fact, I was usually unaware that the material I was learning was “difficult.” It was usually presented to me as something that should be “easy” because of my abilities. So, whenever I struggled, my self-esteem was quick to drop. By the end of fifth grade, I was really burning out, and lost interest in many of the things I cared for. I turned to doomscrolling and chess.com to pass my time the summer after elementary school.
Come sixth grade, I was still homeschooled, and even less motivated than before. I had a short attention span from all the time I had spent online. This was probably my fault, but I had turned to scrolling as my default because of my low self-esteem. Throughout elementary school, I had never actually believed that I was “gifted”, because whenever I did well, that was simply the bare minimum, something that was expected of me. I began to not care. If I was stupid, I thought, why even try? I became sick of myself and started dissociating a lot, going through a phase in my life where I had very poor mental health. By the winter of sixth grade, my parents kind of gave up hope on me, so to speak. I was enrolled in a public school, and prepared to start there at the beginning of seventh grade. At that point, I’m not sure if I had been fully burnt out. As soon as I heard I could attend public school, I was able to bounce back pretty quickly, doing something that can only be adequately described as “locking in.” I would study all day, every day, even on the weekends. I taught myself AP courses and high school math, and not only was I interested, but for the first time, I felt a sense of achievement when learning a new topic. I believe that this is because the material was shown to me as what it was, not something easy that I should’ve already mastered. I discovered for the first time in my life that I actually did like schoolwork, even math. My entire life, I had experienced so much disappointment with myself, because I didn’t believe myself to be good at math. But in fact, I discovered that I could learn high school mathematics with ease. All the “gifted-kid” material I had been using before I believe was ultimately harmful. These curricula were written by pretentious people with standards that were incredibly high, and that I don’t think even they believed in. These textbooks I had used would essentially call me stupid if I did not do things in the exact, “gifted-child” way they wanted me to. For example, they would invent unnecessarily difficult ways to solve problems when I could clearly see an easier solution. They told me that the hardest solution was always the better one, and this frustrated me when it clearly wasn’t needed. These curricula also seem to promote the stereotypical gifted child lifestyle, in which they complete difficult material and then go on to Ivy League colleges. The authors would often make rather unprofessional remarks in their books about being “uneducated” if you were unable to follow this path. All of this being said, I much preferred being able to teach myself using other books and online resources. I was able to learn much more quickly and enjoyably. And although I knew I wouldn’t receive this rigor in public school, I was still more excited than anything to go there next year.
Flash forward to September. I start at the local public school for seventh grade. I make friends and start to become part of the community. I am quick to realize that I have been plopped into one of the most brutal years of school. There’s this clash of maturities, where one second people act young and immature, and the next thing they’re saying and doing things no middle schoolers should. Not only this, but everyone seems to have their tight friend groups already, and they’re not looking to welcome anyone new. Of course, people are nice. But they don’t need anyone new in their groups. They’ve already hit their quota. I begin to realize that I may not fit into any friend group for a long, long time, and of course I won’t. They’ve all been here for years, and I haven’t.
At school, I am quick to be labeled as “the smart kid.” It feels nice, sometimes. Before, I never really realized the extent of my abilities. When I was able to get straight A+’s in honors classes, I realized I was probably smarter than I had thought. When my English teacher told me my essay was at a college level, I realized that I was, maybe, probably, most definitely the gifted child I had been labeled as. And I became mad. Because my whole life had been spent destroying my self-esteem, when really, there wasn’t even anything wrong with my intelligence.
However, I also realized that being smart isn’t always a good thing in middle school. Most of the time, I’m viewed as a tool, and people will even refer to me as “ChatGPT” or a “calculator.” People use me to get answers in math class, but then they ignore me once I’m useless. They see me only as a tool, and who can blame them? They’ve been brought up in a capitalist society that teaches them to take advantage of things and people. If my most obvious use is for schoolwork, then they’re not also going to take advantage of my less obvious use, for fun. My intelligence is the most obvious thing about my personality, and middle schoolers are too oblivious to pick up subtleties. Most people these days will only recognize one personality trait in someone, and begin to define them by it. So I became AI. A calculator. Whatever they want to call it. And it feels terrible, but I still help them, because I want to be nice. And a small part of me still hopes that if I’m nice to them, they’ll be just a little friendly back. Not even include me in their friend groups. Just say a nice word or two. Yesterday, I helped three people with their weekly math homework, which took up hours of my time. It astonishes me how people won’t even give a small thank-you for this because they’re too absorbed in their own world. And besides, “you don’t need a thank you, this should be easy for you”. I think one of the most harmful concepts here is that because gifted people are gifted, people say that everything in life should just be easy for them. So when something is difficult, they begin to burn out. That’s what happened to me before, but that’s not the main reason now. Right now, I’ve begun to realize that no matter how nice or funny I am, there are still many people who will only see me for my intelligence. This part of who I am is a major factor that will probably stop many people from just seeing me as a normal peer. Because of this, a lot of the time I’m just ignored unless I’m providing use to someone. It’s just extremely hurtful because it reduces gifted children to something that’s not even human. Just a tool. This year has been pretty good, but it’s also been tiring in that sense, and I can feel the burnout coming back. I don’t know if I can recover again this time, but I’ll have to figure it out. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but society’s treatment of gifted children is really starting to annoy me. If any of you guys have had similar experiences or input, I’d love to hear in the comments. Any advice would also be very much appreciated. Thank u, next, and have a great day.