Jokes Eternity

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?
The blind start reading your face.

I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.

Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"
Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!

Mum, I'm already 14, can't I finally get a bra?!
-
NO Harold!

Jesus can walk on water, correct?
(Yes) 
Well, I can walk on cucumbers. As you may know, cucumbers are 98% water. So - I am 98% Jesus.

LUL

adult jokes?

any i guess

My friends say there's a gay guy in our circle of friends.....

I really hope it's Michael, he's so cute!!

And old people jokes.

Can we post dirty jokes?

As long as you replaces some of the letters with *s and don't get the thread locked.

hm

Him - Has anybody told you that you look beautiful today?

Her - No!

Him - Well theres always a tomorrow

A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99$
Cheeseburger - 3.99$
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99$
Hand Jobs - 19.99$
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

whoa! that's not something we are allowed to say

My girlfriend is strange. She starts every sentence with "Are you even listening?"

Her - I'm sick of you pretending to be a detective... we should split up

Him - Good Idea... we can cover more ground that way

nice!