Looking for a gf

I woke up today and chose violence, so I picked up my phone and logged onto chess.com. Six or seven DMs awaited me in my mailbox. I tried to open them, but my finger slipped and I friend requested fourteen new girls. Little did they know, I was going to want a bit more than friendship from them. Satisfied, I returned to my messages to find several brutal rejections. A particularly scathing one said, “I don’t want to tell you my IP address.” Another told me that she was married, and that, despite my claims, I am not “huzz”. I found this particularly invalidating. After being so cruelly diminished, all I wanted was to sit down and enjoy a nice 3 minute blitz game with my future girlfriend. Well… one of them. This one was really happy to see me—she even messaged me in the game chat. She said, “shut up loser im blocking u”, since teasing is her love language. Of course, I continued to spam her with an array of hearts and the link to my tinder profile. I think she liked it, because my affection distracted her so much that she resigned the game. I tried repeatedly to message her, but it wouldn’t go through because of this error notification that kept popping up on my screen. “This user has blocked you.” I shrugged it off. Chess.com must be glitching. I became a little bored, so I scrolled to the “clubs” page for chess.com. I quickly located one called “hot singles.” When I saw the club’s homepage, I thought I had finally found my place in the world. A whole community in an obscure club on a chess website. What could be better? I quickly got to messaging one of the club members. Her profile picture was an image of a muscular man lifting weights. Not too different from mine, which I had generated with ChatGPT and then used to rizz it up. When I got talking with the girl, I quickly noticed that something was off, because she replied to my message. She said “heyyy wsp will u date me 😍” and I happily said yes, but made sure that we would be in an “open” relationship, just to “keep my opportunities open.” After all, you only live once. We were about to send each other our addresses when she said, “ily. i cant wait to show up at your house in the dead of night. ur the best, bbg.” I paused reading the last word, and was just about to clarify that I was NOT anyone’s bbg, and that I’m actually quite skibidi ohio tall and nonchalant as well as super tuff. But then I clicked on her profile and saw her status. “Jason | Hottie | Looking for a gf 😍”. And that’s how I came to realize that my swexy bae was another guy just like me. Of course, we’ve now traded bank information and social security numbers, and it can’t be undone. We have an inseparable bond—we’re literally tied together with a piece of digital dental floss. But I can’t help but think that my options are limited, and even regret messaging Jason. After all, I’m straight. (He doesn’t need to know that.) I’ll keep dating him now, as long as he changes his pfp to an anime girl and pretends his name is Brooklyn. But I need better long-term options. Are there any girls out there willing to date me?

lol i thought we were actually gonna get another person looking for love here

I'm a straight guy

Luckily not.

Wow

um ur a girl ?

10 isn’t enough for my heart’s desires.

Your swexyness will attract all the huzz on here dw

is she lesbian?

Thanks, I agree.

Elise has been notified of your relationship endeavors. I saw her taking back a wedding ring…

Best of luck finding love. Hopefully not secretly this time.

Im hot gng

This is the swexiest community there is. Where else would be better to find lasting love and a desirable partner?

It’s getting close to summertime, so most people are. I recommend turning on a fan or taking a cold shower.

xD you got this buddy, chess.com would've been the best platform for dating if it wasn't for these annoying "blocked" glitches but you can get anywhere with this kind of determination.

Lichess.