My classroom DUI assignment

(Don't do anything in this story. If you do, I'm not responsible.)

On Saturday, December 18, 2021 at 1:30 am, a tragic car crash occurred where drunken  Billy Unchad crashed and killed 17 year old Lucy Evergarden and 17 year old Jess Berma in a “Explosive, tragic,  gone wrong firework show” as a onlooker told a news reporter at CMM. The crash occurred on 3 Serpentine Rd, New Jersey. Police determined that Jess died on impact due to lack of a seatbelt on the passenger side, and Lucy burned to death whilst crushed by the two cars. Police determined it took a whopping 15 minutes to burn. Billy Unchad only suffered a mild concussion and a third degree burn. In the hospital, doctors determined that Billy had a BAC of. 2.4. When the police were questioning Billy, Billy described the crash as a fender bender, to which the police replied with “Yeah right.”. When we talked to the questioning officer, the officer said, “This nitwit has less IQ than a special ed kid with a birth defect.” Billy was sentenced to life at Penny Trading State Prison in Rhode Island. When we asked Billy about his reflection, he said, “To be honest, I shouldn’t have chugged those 57 Budweiser cans. I didn’t know that one, that’s humanly impossible, and two, that I'd kill two kids by sheer “accident”. I feel ashamed. I hope that the parents forgive me. They probably won’t but meh,  worth a shot. So kids, don’t chug 60 Budweiser cans, and drive afterward.”

If only Billy had crashed in the street next to Serpentine Rd, just outside the Penny Trading State Prison - Penny Lane, he'd be even more famous.