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EVERYTHING WRONG WITH "MY REACTION TO KOTL MM"

1. "Oh! Murder mystery! Ima play it.” Should be in quotation marks, is not.
2. “Oh! Murder mystery! Ima play it.” No indication of who’s saying this, although we can infer it to be the author himself. 
3. “Oh! Murder mystery! Ima play it.” “Ima” is not a word.
4. “Oh!!!!! A cute pet!” Once again, no quotation marks to speak of. 
5. “Oh!!!!! A cute pet!” Ah, yes. Excessive exclamation marks, always the sign of an amateur author. 
6. "’Don't open its cage!!!’" Togepi yells.” Once more with the excessive exclamation marks. Also, no introduction to Togepi until now. 
7. “A few seconds later: FST is dead and Togepi is running for his life from the huge doglike creature.” FST is apparently stupid enough to open the cage of a huge doglike creature against Togepi’s warnings. 
8. “A few seconds later: FST is dead and Togepi is running for his life from the huge doglike creature.” Also, this has literally nothing to do with MM. 
9. “Hi dude! Whatcha doing? Hey, what are you holding?” Once again, no quotation marks and no indication of who’s saying this. 
10. "’I doing nothing and I'm holding a stick.’" CN says.” Improper grammar, should be “I’m doing nothing”
11. “One millisecond later:” There’s no way a human being can attack that quickly, even at close range. 
12. “FST is dead once again.” This and the next line indicate that CN killed FST with a stick. How?
13. "’Noob.’ says CN. ‘You just got pranked, bro!!!!!!’" CN is completely out of character here. 
14. "’Noob.’ says CN. ‘You just got pranked, bro!!!!!!’" Also, AGAIN with the excessive exclamation marks. 
15. “Take three-” I didn’t even notice these. What is this, some sort of sadistic movie? 
16. “FST is once again dead,” Judging from the “once again” and togepi saying, “this time”, it can be assumed that they remember the previous incident. Yet FST so unintelligent, he gets himself killed once more. 
17. “Ooh, a stick! The same one the last time I met some guy or gal.” Didn’t CN have the stick? Where did CN go? Why’d he leave his stick here?
18. “Ooh, a stick! The same one the last time I met some guy or gal.” Also, CN has stated his gender to male over and over again. It’s not that difficult to remember. 
19. “Tomato sees FST. ‘You're the murderer!!!!!’ He screams.” Excessive exclamation marks, one more time. 
20. “The detective Toxic hears him and throws a handcuff at FST. FST is caught.” Um. What? How?
21. "’Let me go!!!!’ FST screams.” Oh wait, I forgot about this one. 
22. “FST is in jail.” This is not how Murder Mystery works at all. 

Oh, lord. How does a short work not even two hundred words have this many mistakes in it? 

TOTAL SIN COUNT: 22

SENTENCE: LYNCHED BY THE TOWN.

EVERYTHING WRONG WITH "MY REACTION TO KOTL MM"

1. "Oh! Murder mystery! Ima play it.” Should be in quotation marks, is not.
2. “Oh! Murder mystery! Ima play it.” No indication of who’s saying this, although we can infer it to be the author himself. 
3. “Oh! Murder mystery! Ima play it.” “Ima” is not a word.
4. “Oh!!!!! A cute pet!” Once again, no quotation marks to speak of. 
5. “Oh!!!!! A cute pet!” Ah, yes. Excessive exclamation marks, always the sign of an amateur author. 
6. "’Don't open its cage!!!’" Togepi yells.” Once more with the excessive exclamation marks. Also, no introduction to Togepi until now. 
7. “A few seconds later: FST is dead and Togepi is running for his life from the huge doglike creature.” FST is apparently stupid enough to open the cage of a huge doglike creature against Togepi’s warnings. 
8. “A few seconds later: FST is dead and Togepi is running for his life from the huge doglike creature.” Also, this has literally nothing to do with MM. 
9. “Hi dude! Whatcha doing? Hey, what are you holding?” Once again, no quotation marks and no indication of who’s saying this. 
10. "’I doing nothing and I'm holding a stick.’" CN says.” Improper grammar, should be “I’m doing nothing”
11. “One millisecond later:” There’s no way a human being can attack that quickly, even at close range. 
12. “FST is dead once again.” This and the next line indicate that CN killed FST with a stick. How?
13. "’Noob.’ says CN. ‘You just got pranked, bro!!!!!!’" CN is completely out of character here. 
14. "’Noob.’ says CN. ‘You just got pranked, bro!!!!!!’" Also, AGAIN with the excessive exclamation marks. 
15. “Take three-” I didn’t even notice these. What is this, some sort of sadistic movie? 
16. “FST is once again dead,” Judging from the “once again” and togepi saying, “this time”, it can be assumed that they remember the previous incident. Yet FST so unintelligent, he gets himself killed once more. 
17. “Ooh, a stick! The same one the last time I met some guy or gal.” Didn’t CN have the stick? Where did CN go? Why’d he leave his stick here?
18. “Ooh, a stick! The same one the last time I met some guy or gal.” Also, CN has stated his gender to male over and over again. It’s not that difficult to remember. 
19. “Tomato sees FST. ‘You're the murderer!!!!!’ He screams.” Excessive exclamation marks, one more time. 
20. “The detective Toxic hears him and throws a handcuff at FST. FST is caught.” Um. What? How?
21. "’Let me go!!!!’ FST screams.” Oh wait, I forgot about this one. 
22. “FST is in jail.” This is not how Murder Mystery works at all. 

Oh, lord. How does a short work not even two hundred words have this many mistakes in it? 

TOTAL SIN COUNT: 22

SENTENCE: LYNCHED BY THE TOWN.

EVERYTHING WRONG WHAT PIN SAID

Should be in quotation marks, is not.- Incorrect. I am not listing who said those words so I removed quotation.

This is not how Murder Mystery works at all.- Incorrect. This is some kind of- god damn it. What was it.

TOTAL SIN COUNT: 22- You have no right to tell the sin count.

Um. What? How?- *slaps face

Excessive exclamation marks, one more time. -wat

CN is completely out of character here. -The feelings and character can be however it wants.

“Ima” is not a word.- Yer all about grammar, dude.

Also, CN has stated his gender to male over and over again. It’s not that difficult to remember.- Change pfp pls.