I am!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good.. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

' Don 't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

That was enough. Mrs. Smith fainted then and there…

O.K. Scut's here's one for you! A man, on his way to a far off castle where he was to meet his princess bride, was now passing thru "the land of truth tellers and liers". On his route he came to a crossroads, and no sign or post to direct him to the castle. Then he noticed two men standing near by and approached them. All he knew, was that one of them was a truth teller and one was a lier, but didn't know which was which. What question did he ask both of the men so that he would know for certain the correct path to take?

He asked them for a map ?

Martin, you're nothing short of brilliant!!! did you figure it out yourself?

I would ask them if they were dead then I would ask directions from the one that was the teller of truthiness

You have an acute mind Martin!

An a lovely Aston Martin !!

Apparently the place where some people have their head up

I know the place,...rust colored I think! I've been there many times.

qwerty

is or is not a word?

is that from the scrabble dictionary?

wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole, Denis.

But I know what you mean

Thanks Paul, is there anything they don't have on youtube

Too easy, the answer can be obtained by multiplying your telephone number by your shoe size and dividing by the square root of Sky 3 HD.

Now that's thinking out of the box, the cranial box