Blitz 2100!

[Photo of this blog comes from the first search result in google image search of "2100" with NO copyright]

While @I-I_I-I is striving to survive in the wild jungle, I, one of the worst patzer in the world, has just lost enough games to reach 2100!

Here's the deal: I switched from 10 min to 3 min in the hope of getting worse at chess and it clearly pays off. Technically I reached 2100 in two months instead of three (3 months is my standard unit of time to lose -100 points, by the way), well, actually I did spend 3 months, but the first month is for 10 min and I lost all the way to like 1950 so it doesn't count. At any rate, one great thing about 3 min is that I can lose 150 points in one day (and I did lose 150 points in one day) without worrying about anything else and crush all my opponents in the next day since I am literally playing against someone who's 150 points lower than me, that feels great! Another thing is, of course, I can try all sorts of dirty tricks and with all my lucks I can beat those "master" guys and 2200 guys. Now, I think, is a good time to part with words and show you a picture of my statistics before I go on boasting about how I actually reached 2100 (note particularly the three big "holes" in my rating curve):

One of the things I like most about that graph is the big 99.2% at the top: statistics can be misleading, but they don't lie and can be highly satisfying, this 99.2% clearly belongs to this group (i.e. misleading and satisfying). Another thing, of course, is the HUGE 2100 at the top. On the one hand, it provides solid proof that this blog isn't intended to clickbait you (though I might do that if I write a "Blitz 3000!!!"), on the other, it's divisible by 100 (2100/100 = 21) and fits nicely within that figure, this might be a (bad) omen that I will live to the 2100s. Back to the rating graph itself, as I already mentioned, you should be able to notice those "holes" in it and you should now be able to understand what I am talking about in the second paragraph of this blog. They are probably the ugliest thing in that figure but they are most beautiful in the sense that they represent those lucky guy to whom I gifted my ratings and those unfortunate guys who has to give my ratings back even though they haven't done anything bad!

So how did I actually reach 2100? That is a deep philosophy question and is the one most parts of this blog are devoted for. For one thing, I feel like I am losing every game I played, I just keep and keep getting outplayed, I can only watch my clock running out of time and my pieces getting sacrificed in a hopeless effort to save my king, I can only wait desperately as my soul being sucked into blackhole (wait a minute, those words should be somewhere else). And I, a highly overrated patzer, just lost every hope and confidence I possess (if I have any) in a meaningless, desperate and hysterical manner. ("How on earth did you reach 2100, by losing?", you asked in annoyance. "LET ME FINISH MY TALK FIRST!!!!!") In the depth of darkness, in the dead of night, in the face of invincible enemies, I... a hopeless, desperate and miserable loser, just... WIN!!! YES!!! I JUST WIN!!! LIKE THAT!!!!! This, literally means that, I win, simply by losing!

I know this is too unfathomable for you to understand, so I'll give three examples:

First one:

Second one:

Third one:

(Wait a minute, the third one is a draw)

Get an idea how I reached 2100? I hope so.

By this time, you should probably notice that something went terribly, horribly and unbelievably, wrong. Yes something is definitely wrong! This blog is entitled "Blitz 2100!", which means that it's a blog about blitz, 2100 and !. If you have read all my other blogs (which I am sure you didn't and you should do it now), you will definitely notice that I swamped you with game analysis in all of them! As for this blog, well, after you read through all those nonsenses written by me, you haven't encountered a single game analysis! (I did posted three games but without analysis) What does that mean? Does that mean that someone has hacked my account and wrote this blog in a hope to get me banned? Or did I hire someone (e.g. @I-I_I-I) to write this for me? Or have I gone mad? The answer is that I am simply too lazy to put any analysis here, but I have got good reasons (excuses) for it. First thing first, I can write on and on and on, onto the top of heaven, into the depth of hell, without any interruptions whatsoever since I am simply writing nonsenses. For example, I wrote all these nonsenses you are reading right now in at most an hour. But if I choose to analyze a game, it'll take me 15-30 min just to finish writing about a single game and put it in my blogs. And nobody (except me, a nobody) is going to look at it! I have to admit it's a pain for me to analyze my games as my opponent (and me) made so many mistakes! I just end up criticizing my own play which causes me to play even worse, and which, of course, wastes me even more time. To make matters even worse, those analysis written by me are probably wrong, the reason for that is simple enough: I am just someone who hardly understand anything about chess, what can you expect from me? All these make good excuses for me to not put a game analysis here.

HOWEVER, despite all those drawbacks, I am going to put a game analysis here. Don't worry, I can assure you, this is the only game that will appear in this blog with analysis, so you don't need to complain that I am a highly contradicting man (actually I am). The other reason to do this is that you will now be able to understand what I mean in the last paragraph by looking at it. You will see how badly my opponent (and I) played, how I criticize my own plays, and how @I-I_I-I went to jungle (that's a different story, actually). Ok, whatever, I am going to show you the game: (Incidentally, this is the game that got me to 2100) (Incidentally again, for other examples of my game analysis, see my earlier blogs as I won't bother to put any analysis in my future blogs) (Incidentally again and again, this analysis is done mainly by Stockfish instead of me)

So you can see now why I hate to put analysis in my blogs.

Wow that's a lot of words. I guess that's enough for this blog as I have to save some words for my future blogs. It feels so great to type lots of nonsenses like that without interruptions and a blog appears out of nowhere! As I haven't put lots of pictures in this blog (actually I just put one so far), and as pictures are the keys to blogs (who like to read words?), I will compensate for that by putting one final picture here (hope you like it!):

And I sincerely hope that you have learnt absolutely nothing from this blog.

Spoiler: After @I-I_I-I's return (which should be about June 2100 if I remember correctly), I'll write a blog entitled "Blitz 1300? The Return of I-I_I-I!", so be sure to unfollow me!

Again, my sincere thanks to all of you who have made it to this point and I hope you enjoy reading my nonsenses!

(Clap Clap Clap 👏 👏 👏 bla bla bla bla bla...)