1. a4: Best Chess Opening!

Dear fellow Chess.com comrades,
It has come to my attention that you have all become victims of a terrible fraud. From what I have been able to gather, most of you believe that 1. e4?? is the best, or at least a very good, opening move.
Well, I am sorry to shatter your beautiful illusion, but 1. a4!! is actually the best move in the whole galaxy, and 1. e4?? the worst. Let me first illustrate why 1. e4?? is clearly the worst move of all moves in the universe:

So now that the 1. e4?? point is proven, let me now reveal to you the true best first move for white in chess: 1. a4!!.

Not only did Winston Churchill force Hitler to lose the World War 2 after beating him in a chess game using 1. a4!!, but it is also rumored that Bobby Fischer lost to an unknown chess virtuoso by the name of Sandstreampop after Fischer, playing black, was met by Sandstreampop's 1. a4!!. Let's have a look at that game.

If you feel dizzy now, do not be alarmed. It is common that you feel faint and confused after your whole world has been turned upside down. But this is really for the best. From now on, I hope you never play 1. e4?? again. I trust you now play the best move in the whole intergalactic space.
You are welcome.

Are you okay? Do you need a doctor? Or chess lessons?