Best trash talking

Yes -- all the more effective if you say it with a German accent.

Is zis ze trasch talking - oder ze trasch typing?

Flowers, it's more likely you didn't do anything wrong sweetie and some overzealous moderater deleted your post.  Don't waste your time here!

I played against someone who would announce mate in some random number of moves at random times.

Also, a good one would be to circle "black wins" on your scoresheet when your opponent opens with 1. d4, and analogously "white wins" in response to the French. (Needless to say, make a big show of it, and then lean back in your chair relaxedly)

Another good trash talk sort of thing would be to open with 1. a3 ... 2. a4 and then say "Whatchugot?" or something along those lines.

Very common, but worth mentioning is the good old "Thank you very much" when you take a pawn or a piece.

I also like to slightly j'adoube my opponent's king when he's about to get mated.

Do you j'adoube it onto its side?

No, just screw it into the board a little.

PrawnEatsPrawn: Did you ever see that episode of the Simpsons where the family go to watch a daredevil?

PrawnEatsPrawn: he jumps over a pool that contains a crocodile, shark, electric eel and a lion.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX: i don't think i've seen that one, but maybe. i've seen so many.

PrawnEatsPrawn: Your opening choice puts me in mind of that scene

No, but I did watch the Happy Days episode where The Fonz jumped over a
shark and despite the ridicule it has received I liked that particular show.

just for the record that was my 20th defeat at the hand's of prawn.  i'm 0 for 20.  "the hand of prawn"

== trash talk chess? === the sport of gentlemen and women? === well, if there was trash talk in chess I guess it would be something like, " your father, the King, plays like a Queen!!!"

I was playing a guy in an OTB match and after I blundered a piece away he mutters under his breath that "I can do anything better than you."  I went on to draw that game with a knight vs. 3 pawns.  =)

I love how they (Carlsen, Karjakin, Giri, Caruana, in his odd stlye even Grischuk, and many others) are doing trash talking in the recent years. There are interviews and twitter posts coming from actual supergrandmasters that make me laugh (and sometimes cringe) uncontrollably.

Trash talkers are quite common in chess, it is best to disable chat just to prevent that issue. 

My opponent once said I was bad at chess for making blunders so easily. That was when I was at beginner level. 

One time I was playing speed chess with a friend. We had the pieces flying everywhere, fast as our hands could move. Then he made one move with particular authority. So I stopped and asked him "If I told you that you were losing right now, would you believe me?" He answered "Heck no!!" 

So I made my move, and asked again "If I told you that you were losing right NOW, would you believe me?"

""Probably" he answered, sheepishly.

I gained material in the combination, and went on to win.

Now here's a trash talker:

"I CHECKMATED YOUR MOTHER" kill me 

be careful you might hurt somebody's feelings and they will cry and report you

Haha. Yes. Someone told me his contacts weren't on and he would destroy me the next time and said that he was dumpstering me at the start. Then I beat him in 20 moves.