A Modest Proposal: Minting Our Currency Out Of Radioactive Waste.

I would like to put forward the suggestion that our coinage, from pennies to dollars, should be minted out of radioactive waste rather than from precious metals.

This would address several different concerns at the same time:

1) It would solve the problem of what we should do with radioactive waste. With global warming becoming a critical concern, our electrical power generation must switch away from fossil fuels (natural gas, oil and coal). Neither solar power, geothermal power nor wind power is sufficiently scalable to fill the energy gap. Nuclear power would solve the problem nicely, if it were not for the problem of disposing of the radioactive waste. But if this suggestion is adopted, the "problem" is transformed into an opportunity... the more radioactive waste we produce, the wealthier we become!

2) Stimulating the economy: Since nobody wants to keep radioactive waste around for too long, a currency based on this standard will encourage people (and governments too) to spend the money as fast as they make it, stimulating cash flow and injecting new life into our sluggish economy.

3) Almost impossible to counterfeit: Money made of radioactive waste will give off a distinctive spectrum of radioactive emissions, both particles (alpha and beta) and ionizing EM radiation (X-rays and gamma rays). It will be virtually impossible to counterfeit, thus protecting the life-blood of our economy against these unscrupulous criminals.

4) Discourages greed and theft. Misers, pickpockets, loan sharks, thieves and other greedy individuals will get what they deserve. Cancer.

Discuss.

Commendably Swiftian. Certainly gets my endorsement.

lol, this is pretty good. I especially like the difficulty to counterfeit.

Blueemu wrote “2) Stimulating the economy: Since nobody wants to keep radioactive waste around for too long, a currency based on this standard will encourage people (and governments too) to spend the money as fast as they make it, stimulating cash flow and injecting new life into our sluggish economy.”

Intersting thought. However, it seems to me that the US government spends money faster than it can be made already and it isn’t helping the economy all that much. Of course with 30-40 billion being given away to foreign countries on an annual basis, we may be able to stem the flow and put that money to better use at home. 

I'm guessing you haven't heard many modest proposals

Swoosh!

If the money making up the foreign aid payments were composed of radioactive waste, then I see two possibilities:

Either

1) The foreign government would accept it, in which case we've used nuclear energy to create electrical power without further aggrevating the CO2 situation, and then we've gotten rid of the resulting radioactive waste by simply giving it away.

Or

2) The foreign government would refuse it, in which case people who wish to cut foreign aid payments would be happy.

It's win - win!

The reference is to this satire by Jonathan Swift attacking the British state's failure to alleviate the potato famine in Ireland:-

https://scholarsbank.uoregon.edu/xmlui/bitstream/handle/1794/872/modest.pdf

Please do send more!

On the other hand, if option 1) is preferred, we will have contributed to the rise of a world-wide pandemic of cancer illnesses. In which case compensation will surely be required. this may have the effect of nullifying the savings in foreign aid gifting. 

Unfortunately the idea of 'the more radiactive waste we produce the richer we get' doesn't work since every coin made would reduce the worth of the money

That would put a new meaning to "money burning a hole in your pocket".

The coins are not wealth, true... they are a way of keeping score of wealth.

But since the radioactive waste is produced in the process of power generation, each gram of coinage equates to a certain amount of electrical power (about 0.9 megawatts per gram of waste produced, if my back-of-the-envelope calculations are correct). THAT power is used to produce actual value or wealth. So indirectly, the production of the coins also produces the wealth that the coins themselves serve to track.

I would surmise that charitable giving would increase. However, with all the items that Goodwill refuses now that might not be a viable option. 

I am still firmly of the opinion that we hold in our hands the solution to the energy crisis.

the irony of this is that the latest fad, crypto-currency, burns so much fuel, and people don't seem to recognize it.

we have had the solutions for over four decades. jimmy carter supported solar and put panels on the white house. when reagan took over, one of his first orders was getting rid of them. 

and he was elected again. 

people are stupid.

person: hey, i could harness energy for when there are blackouts or severe storms!

pol: we can't have that. the transmission lines, and, implementation, and, getting away from reliable clean coal energy is a massive risk.

This thread has been buried for too long. Let's dig it up and let it breathe again.

Radioactive coins are a good idea. Phones would be made to charge from the emissions. Carry them in the same pocket to keep your phone topped up. Phone dead and no coins? No problem. Just break the appropriate bill or bills depending on how fast you want to charge.