On Facebook, make your name "Nobody" so that if there is something really horrible you can like it and it will say "Nobody Likes This" 
Good, Clean Jokes
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There was a restaurant that would pay $500 to anyone who could think of a meal they could not serve. So one day a man comes in and orders elephant ears on rye bread. After a while, the waiter comes back and throws the $500 on the table. He says, "We are very sorry, sir. I can't believe we are out of rye bread!"
Three dolts our out hunting when they spot some tracks.
Dolt 1: Oh wow! Deer tracks!
Dolt 2: No, silly! Those are cow tracks!
Dolt 3: Both of you are crazy! Those are dog tracks!
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Oct 20, 2015
0
#27
i herd a goot joke yestaday... when i was walkin down the street a man said.... WHAT ARE THOSE!!!! I wuz shucked for bitt bat den i says JOHN CENA and he cris away
I'm sorry for posting a dirty joke, but here it is. What did one pile of dirt say to the other? Nothing. Piles of dirt don't talk.
Ha ha?
Two jokes in one! What a bargain.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Alright, here's a clean, and actually clean, joke. In Soviet Russia, you work hard so that Scrubbing Bubbles doesn't have to.
time for animal puns!
You have CAT to be KITTEN me.
that joke was irrELEPHANT.
i mean, these are GIRAFFEing me crazy.
But i am BEARly tired of it.
u see, all of these follow a pattern/theme and they have a PORPOISE.
they meet certain KOALAfications.
you OTTER know what i mean.
but OWL do my best to not over-do it either...
i won't let your spirit down either. what ever you have to say, GOPHER it.
tomorrow, let MINNOW of new ones u think of.
come to think of it, i'll be busy tomorrow and ALPACA lunch ahead of time.
this conversation of RIBBITING
but now it's just HAWKward.
dang it, do u know when the bus comes? because the car got TOAD.
someone copied off my test! what a CHEETAH.
if you are not looking up riddles than you are LION ^_^
alright, here's a brain-twister
Do you agree with me that one cat has one more tail than no cat?
(yes)
Do you agree with me that no cat has 8 tails?
(yes you do)
so if one cat has one more tail than no cat, and no cat has 8 tails, then cats have 9 tails!
Russian puns:
this won't take too long, don't worry, i won't be STALIN
in fact, i am RUSSIAN to go to my match
and i don't want to be PUTIN your time to waste either
if you want, i can LENIN you a hand.
and so what if these are terrible puns?
SOVIET (so be it)
just remember:
Presi-DON'Ts and Ameri-CAN'T
one liners! here we go:
-Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
-Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
-I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
-I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
-A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
-Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.
-There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
-My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
-Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
-When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
-Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?
-Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen!
-Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
-There's only one problem with your face, I can see it.
-I don't think you act stupid, I'm sure it's the real thing.
-Is google a woman? Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
-You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
-I'm really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.
-A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
-It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
-Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
-Escalators don't break down... they just turn into stairs.
-I would give my dad what he really wants on Father's Day, but I can't afford to move out yet.
-I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.
-if a single teacher cant teach us all subjects,how is a student supposed to learn all the subjects?
-Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.
-You don't work – you don't have money to live, you work – there's no time to live.
-C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender shows them the door and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
Ladies, remember: not all men are annoying, some are dead.
-The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
If you love a woman, you shouldn't be ashamed to show her to your wife.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
"Why don't you trust me?", she texted both the guys simultaneously.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
-Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.
-Lawyers really aren't so bad, it's just ninety-nine percent of lawyers that make the rest look bad.
-I dislike when I am about to hug someone really pretty and my face hits the mirror.
-Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well
GOSSIP SUCKS. (pass it on)
-According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
-this is how einstin could make you feel better (physics):
You are living,
You take up space,
You have mass,
You Matter!
Wow! Amazing!
Nov 5, 2015
0
#37
ok,you imagine you you aRE ON A BOAT,AND THERE IS A SEA SERPENT TRYING TO EAT YOU.WHAT WILL YOU DO?
sTOP IMAGINING!!!!!
Nov 5, 2015
0
#38
YOU ARE DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.
Why?
Since you want me to paint it.
lol
I know! ;)
i am nobody
and nobody's perfect,
therefore I am perfect!!
Is bad if i laughed at this?