462. You think the mechanical Turk is a series of dance moves similar to 'the robot'.
5,000 Signs You Don't Know Enough About Chess
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Chessking47 wrote:
... Deep Blue is the COMPUTER, not the rematch
458. This is your live chess database:
1. PWN vs. You 0-1 PWN resigns 1. e4 h5 and you annotate it "1. e4?? h5!!!" lol
2. GreatAmericaSux vs. You 1-0 You resigns 1. d4 a5 and annotations: "1. d4!! a5!!!"
Online Chess database:
1. You vs. g@mbit pl@yer You resigns 1. e4 a5 and anno: "1. e4!! a5!"
460. You think that whoever gets more exclamation points is happier and whoever gets more question marks is more confused.
461. You say checkmate when it is this position:
458 would be 464
460 would be 465
461 would be 466
463. You're pretty sure Capablanca is a beach resort in Brazil.
464. You refuse to play black, view any games where black is victorious, or appreciate any games where black has played creatively and strongly as you are a white supremecist.
469. The World Championship... Hmmmm... let's see... i want to referee it... let's do... CHESSBOXING!!!
470. You think Alekhine is a type of beer.
471. You: "Yeah, since the pawn on e4 restricts the minor pieces from jumping to... perhaps f6 or c6 since the pawn is a knight and a bishop and it can also pin the b7, e7, d7, and g7 pawns!" Chess GM: "Huh?" *faints* You: "MUAHAHA!!!! NOW THE CHESS WORLD IS TO MYSELF! EVERYONE IS A GRANDMASTER!!!! AND THAT IS ONLY MEEEE!!!!!"
Then Austin Clyde, 70 miles sleeping away from you says, "YAY!! DID YOUR HEAR THAT, MOTHER? THIS GUY DECLARED EVERYONE AS A CHESS GRANDMASTER!"
Curious_Barrel wrote:
463. You're pretty sure Capablanca is a beach resort in Brazil.
It is 467
472. You resign after yur opponent plays e4
473. You resign after your opponent plays d4
474. You both resign at the same time and you insist on having you resign
475. You keep wondering how people mate you with: 1. e4 e5 2. Qh5 Ke7 3. Qxe5#--yet you know the Bongcloud
476. You toss your knight (to make it jump) and capture all the pieces it touches
477. You tell your opponent, "You must take your jump."
478. You try trimple-jumping 3 pieces like you do in checkers
479. You never move your king until all your other pieces are gone (this includes castling)
coneheadzombie wrote:
480. You spell chess "cheese".
481. When you see mate, you get a boner.
I believe 480 was already said.
486. You want to buy a HAL 9000 engine.
501. You don't know how to play chess.
506. You think the Queen's Gambit Declined means you need another
credit card.
507. You don't think it's a sport.
508. You think GK means Goal Keeper instead of Garry Kasparov :-)
Aug 15, 2012
0
#375
Starmute wrote:
487. You think captures are mandatory.
488. You think you win by taking your opponent's queen.
489. You try to lose all of your pieces.
490. You take your opponent's queen with your knight, and you think you sacrificed your knight.
491. You accept the Queen's Gambit.
492. You think there must be a Bishop's Gambit.
493. You think there is a Knight's Gambit.
494. You think there is obviously a Rook's Gambit.
495. And a Pawn's Gambit.
496. You think that the lower your rating the better you are.
497. You lose on purpose.
498. Your favorite opening is 1. Kxe8#.
499. You resign after 1. c4. (True story!)
500. You aren't registered on chess.com! (#500!)
Better tell all of those GM's about this Queen's Gambit Accepted! If you're talking about Fischer's 1. c4, then there is more to that than Panno not knowing anything about chess.
502. You resign after you have been checkmated
503. You promote a pawn to a bishop, because you think they are super-pawns
511. When your offer to play doubles in chess is accepted.
512. Then you also play mixed doubles.
513. When you misunderstand 'open-chess' tournament as 'open-chest' and reach the venue topless.
... Deep Blue is the COMPUTER, not the rematch
458. This is your live chess database:
1. PWN vs. You 0-1 PWN resigns 1. e4 h5 and you annotate it "1. e4?? h5!!!" lol
2. GreatAmericaSux vs. You 1-0 You resigns 1. d4 a5 and annotations: "1. d4!! a5!!!"
Online Chess database:
1. You vs. g@mbit pl@yer You resigns 1. e4 a5 and anno: "1. e4!! a5!"
460. You think that whoever gets more exclamation points is happier and whoever gets more question marks is more confused.
461. You say checkmate when it is this position: