chess rap

i tried to play rybka but he disconnected;

scared to play a man who could so clearly dissect 'em

all your games stink, you brought pieces en rectum?

but my rectum is pink, pristine clean and sexable

but i ain't down for it, only anal i do

is the anal attention to, penetrating your crew

and when i penetrate you, my whole load is blew

your load stagnates making your man bits blue

unless you are a girl, in which case, in any city

when i win you'll feel milk swell up in each titty

i got me pick 'o' the litter on bitches I want a date with

dumb dudes i play - they'll never find a piece to mate with

i don't hold it against him, forgive him - he's dumb

slice through with knight - put a fork in him - he's done

game piggish, and i reduce pork to crumbs

digest em thoroughly then forcibly pass through my voluptuous bum

such sculpted buns, attract dem honeys

hustle chess hustlers and snatch dey moneys

now i eat steak, shrimp and prawns

my king eats rooks, pawns and all

knights and bishops, swallow em whole, hiccup,

you thought you had a shot? sorry about the mix up

i sac rooks to toy with lesser men

underpromote to em, then sac em again

if i was a D-lineman i'd still sack rooks

but i don't play football cause i like to read books

also as you see...i adore spittin

don't read chess books, they need to be rewritten

to account for my instinctive precision, and not to mention

such a positional wizard - the envy of every engine

Nobody cares about your bunghole

You a freak to run that up the flagpole

The pieces don't move themselves you have to

The engine is playin' so what you gonna do?

A playa's a playa, GM or hustler,

No matter how the pieces look when they muster.

A playa's, a playa,got to have game,

Keep talkin and talkin you'll lose just the same.

see, peoples get mad cause my flow's emphatic

hence electric pawn try'na start some static

EP a stain, one I'll gladly wash

you servin' beef but I'll opt for squash

Speakin' of GMs...I'm a better fit

patzer ain't shit but a diamond membership

post another diss - i'll be back in a few

judging by our pics yo - i'm blacker than you!

Yo Panaka, you think your flow's emphatic

But you got no chance 'cos I know King's Gambit

I'll seek the king, and I'll throw shit at it

Sac a piece, and when you know it's shattered

Making you give in, like you know this rap is

Caruana rhymes with marijuana - that's got some potential 

I play the Caro-Kann like no other.

You are going to understand why when I finish this my brother.

I am amused with your lyric's, and my position I see you trying to rupture.

It's ashame becuase you will never penetrate my fortress like structure.

Your lyrics and chess skills are all lame.

I plan to grind them down into a won king and pawn end game.

So go ahead and try your best.

I will defeat you just like the rest.

Play move 1. King Pawn Four.

I am going to win with a 1-0 score.

I'm a caviar stain on a table cloth,

You're slurpin' some kind of fecal broth,

That kind of flow may be emphatic,

It will also get you locked in an attic.

Why does it matter you're blacker than me?

Every pawn just wants a chance to be free.

I'll play you a game, and you'll feel my sword,

But please, no more of this anus rap, good Lord!

hey man, you hail from Wales, that's very neat

you gon' be sleeping wit da whales if we ever meet

do you believe this fool? ...tail between his legs

drool drippin out his mouth, on the board layin' eggs

now you offensive to six phylums - making me nautious

I lace files with tripwires so play cautious

this ganja fiend needs some weed assuredly

arrested by Captain Panaka, Queen's Security

i'm a breed apart...something like a great dane

hacker mad I spit a virus in his mainframe

madhatter a better challenge, hacker you have to go

l'est i smash my zapatos up your rabbit hole

...poco espanol...anyway the game of chess is cold

like an eskimo undressing when it's ten below

hit marijuana wit Fabiano Caruana

still, on the board I'm Superman, man, you stupid Lana

I'd be proud to be Welsh like Dlyan Thomas

But like the rest of your rap, let's be honest.

I'm not from Wales, that's your fantasy,

Like pretending you're Jay Z on TV.

You're rhymes aint bad, don't get me wrong,

But your act as a whole gets the gong show gong.

Fantasy Jay Z on TV,

Focus on what you really want to be.

Ain't reppin' Nawlins but I'm fly like a pelican

proud to be welsh? how anti-american

can't stomach my raps? you soft in the belly?

just keep defendin welsch's name - i ain't jelly

EP seems fascinated with television

cause his raps are cartoonish, i'm sick, immune to penicillin

are you kidding me? I'll teach Jay-Z his ABCs

and shut your structure down with an EMP

Pawn, your team's a goner, evaporatin like steam

in the sauna your in with madhacker and caruana

Yawn, ..........oh are we still battlin'?

Cause far as I see you're up sh*t's creek, paddlin'

Pull you out the socket, pawn no longer buzzin'

His idea of a 'mating net' he used to trap his cousin

Alright guess it's time to put "electric" to bed

"You're(?) rhymes aint bad" - the most honest thing you said

Apparently rap is throwing down rhymes,

That make little sense most of the time.

Your narrative lacks purpose and direction,

And don't stand up to critical inspection.

Catoonish like Tweety Bird or Buggs Bunny,

What's up Doc? You aint even funny!

Pawns spawn along at dawn

Born to wage a costly war

The Knights assemble and mumble, huddled

The Bishops gnaw 'pon cobs of corn

The rooks tend the field and court the maids

Queen slips on shoes with helps from aides

The king knits idly, sitting, nervous

With many-houseboy at his service

Your hyperstatic army approaches, loathesome

Great E-lecetricity in the air

My King pirouettes and exclaims "unleash hell"

You merely shitteth your pants

My macho stances slams against your forces' girlish prance

I stamp you stomp you, pamper then romp you

Strangulate you with jay-z's scrotal sack

As my rook enacts a noble Sac

Now

In case yall didn't notice

What My profile pic depicts

I am the only chess player in here that can sell 'tics

But

Wouldn't you say that I'm missing something?

Yes, the purple garb befit for none but a king

Step aside

New royalty just swarmed the board

Get ready for audiences

To be liberated from boredom in hoards

Some

Might think my stint with Cuban

Coud've gone more Capablance

I dare you to believe this nonsense

Yo insentient puppet of propaganda

Advice:

Given your futility

You ought collect many 'a memento

Dedicated to pieces now deceased

For fear of what waits in Sacramento

Here I go representing kingside.

I've got a large army and a bad girl by my side.

Shall we begin? What are we waiting for?

Let the war commence with pawn to e4.

What is this? A mirror move!? 1..e5 is the move that you see yourself making?

Well watch and learn because this game is now mine for the taking.

Have I told you that my lady claims to be a scholar?

If you give her 2 moves then this game is over.

Watch out because here comes the first one.

I'll move her to h5 from the square d1.

Nc6, Looks like your little army is fleeing on horses.

When you don't have a commander I guess you don't have many choices.

Let my bishop come out to c4 and he's blowing up your position like he's C4.

Nf6?? Wow, what a blunder. It's time for you to surrender and fly the white flag before..

Oh wait! It's too late. The scholar has already delivered a scholar's mate!

Rondo should've stayed in Boston if you ask me.

I hope you guys do not quit your day job because you all are terrible rappers.

Your chess skills are even worse because you don't even do simple recaptures.

You hang pieces left and right.

Are you guys blind because you don't use your eye sight.

Making fun of you is probably a sin.

However, if I asked a little kid to play you, they would probably win.

I always start my game off with King Pawn four.

My win rate is amazing; I have a phenomenal score.

You can try to play against me Classically with One E Five.

However, You will not win this game because I have more drive.

I will bring your position down to a knee.

My follow up move is always Knight F three.

Your center is coming under heavy fire.

Soon you will be calling me sire.

What do you have to offer in this mix?

Go ahead and defend your E five pawn with Knight C six.

It will not help your position stay alive.

My follow up move is Bishop B five.

The Spanish Torture has begun.

I am doing these rythmes just for fun.

I handle my chess playing very lightly.

I will have Bobby Fischer finish you off with one of his quotes which will go down nicely.

I defeated your skills by bringing back the Spanish Inquisition.

"Tactics flow from a superior position."

you last three rappers - i have to question your sane-ness

Captain Panaka - "Tactics flow out of my anus."

Hard fought, close games are the ones that I treasure

Unlike scholar's mate - K-Brown's sexual pleasure

Rondo's lines aiiiight -- but much to my elation

That shit didn't count - 8-second violation

Attitide carries a stench - he was benched...finally

Shoulda been after his tiff wit ray dismantled a dynasty

I got a better shot of spottin the Loch Ness

than this silly mofukka gettin along wit Demarcus

if this bitch can endear himself to George Karl I'll

forget that whole mess wit Rick Carlisle

Hell yeah I sassed Qui-Gon - You know what I'm about

He fixed the Queen up with that kid - how'd that work out?

That bitch coulda had most any dick in the galaxy

instead got choked out by ya boy's boy, tragically

you only still reppin green for Mr. Jinn's lightsaber

Antoine Walker is broke and someday might be your neighbor

down by the docks of the river unless Doc Rivers

decides he wants more '08 celtics on the '16 clippers

I heart this thread.