The Ultimate Mega Compilation of Ben Finegold Quotes and Catchphrases

Finegold Rules:

Always make the same mistake twice

Never Play f3
Never Play f6

Always play Kb1
Always play Kb8

Always Retreat (Like a Frenchman)
C4 is explosive
Its not knight f5, it's knife f5
Always play knife f5

Always play Bf1
Always play Bf8

Always sac the exchange

Always repeat

When your opponents pawn is on a4, play b5.

Always play exf5

Never capture a pinned knight with your bishop

Greatest Catchphrases and Quotes

"If you're opponent dies of a heart attack, that's not a move, that's just what happens when you play me"

"I'm Grandmaster Ben Finegold and your not"

"You know their good at chess when you can't spell or pronounce their name"

"This is the under 1400 class, and for most of you, Waaaaay under 1400."

"Confusing the Audience"

"Let's pick a random student."

"Rawrr!!!"

(Obscure Simpsons/Rick and Morty/Futurama/Family Guy Reference)

"Don't sue me The Simpson's"

"Today we're going to talk about your favourite player "(insert random player)

"The way to win at chess is to checkmate the opponent" ( I'll let you take notes)

"Taking your opponents queen Is good"(I'll let you take notes)

“A lot of times when we’re playing chess, we have isolated pawns. Not you guys, you just hang all your pawns.”

“Grandmasters, when they’re playing chess, they like to bring out their pieces and castle. Just like you guys, right? Naaw, you don’t”

“After 3… Nf6, we have what is called The Four Knights opening. Or as I would say, The Kid’s opening”

"There is one legal move in this situation. Anyone know what it is? RESIGN!"

"You haven't heard of this opening, but you have a great excuse, you haven't heard of anything!"

"You wouldn't get this joke."

"Mann, only 2 people in the world would get this joke."

"Mann, I can't tell that Joke!"

"'Dear Ben Finegold since watching your videos I've gained 400 rating points.' Wow, now you're 401."

(After a ridiculous series of moves) Still theory!

"Checkmate, with advantage"

"If we turn the engine on it will say plus a million!"

"theres two openings i hate: openings that are intolerant of other openings and the dutch"

"setting up his pieces for the next game"

(After kid sneezes) "That's nothing to sneeze at!"

"You've never heard of him, and you've never heard of him (points at audience), and you get a car"

"Anyone, anyone, Bueller, Bueller"

"When I'm white I win because I'm white, when I'm black I lose."

"And he stormed out of the tournament, winning the Hikaru Nakamura Sportsmanship award."

"The answer is fries"

"Good. Good."

"The way you tell how good someone is at chess Is to see how long their wikepedia page is."

"Hooray."

"Black can't do vishwanathan."

"Now, white put black in Wang Chung, I mean Zugzwang!"

"Double up on the bubble up"

We stand on the shoulders of giants, thats how i can change the lightbulb."

Both sides stand badly

What would Hikaru say? Frankly ridiculous.

I played this game before you were born... man was I even born yet?

"Papa John's"

He furrows his brow in a vain attempt to understand the situation.

now unlike you guys, (insert player) doesn't like giving all his pieces away

Game of the century, it was a slow century

These crazy internet people are mad!

Theres good, and there's not good. ( Hey dont sue me the Sopranos)

"Put it in H"

"Now, white gave black the sugar-me-doo"

"Black did it again, Brittany spears style"

"You, with the Wrong Answer!"

"You, with some crazy comment!"

"The truth hurts"

"Buy my book, cry like a grandmaster"

"Buy my book, sleep like a grandmaster"

"Buy my book, eat like a grandmaster"

"This is the benko gambit, named after Mr. Gambit"

"This is the Najdorf variation, named after Mr Variation"

"Terrible!"

"Incorrect!"

"Very Suspicious."

"And then his opponent said no talking!"

"It's all about the Benjamin's"

"You should never resign because you opponents are suspicious."

"Paul Morphy played two main types of opponents, Rufus and Dufus"

"I'm the best player in my chair"

"Trying is the first step to failure"

"He tried and he failed miserably, so the lesson, Never try!"

"I'm confused! I need an Adult"

"Tripled pawns are 3 times as good!"

"Nh4, that move stinks!"

"Crazy like a fox, or crazy like fox news"

"The tooth hurts"

"Tricks are for kids"

"Man, chess is hard"

(Singing) " I take you, you take me, lucky for me you're the worst player in history".

(Singing) " I pin you, you pin me, I'm the worst player in history."

"I hate it when that happens...unless I'm White; then I like it."

"There's two famous games: one you know, one you don't know, and the one you know you also don't know."

"I was cheating before you were born!"

"You gotta be like Bob Seger; ya gotta know you knight moves."

"You could win by accident -- for most of you, that's your only hope."

"toilets down the hall."

"And if you're paying attention, and none of you are...., especially you at home"

"And, what did Gene Wilder say? Class is dismissed."

"As the Germans would say, Ich don't think so."

"Pawndemonium."

"Even though her opponent's name was Wynn, she lost."

"Yech. I don't what to do now. Luckily, I'm not playing the game."

"He was rated NEINteen hundred."

"What school did he go to? Old School"

 "Greg Shahade beat my ex wife in 16 moves? No wonder I divorced her!"

"Whites position is good, except for one thing, it's not!"

"He always plays the French defence, even as white."

"So on and so forth, mostly so forth."

"Mainly etcetera"

"White is up 3 points Plus Tax"

"I've been resiging since before you were born."

"And now my position is dead lost, unless I'm playing against you guys, then I would win with white or black."

"He got the SMACKDOWN!"

"ooh, check!"

"ooh, Shiny!"

"I can't play the fried liver, why? Because I'm a vegan."

"I can't play the Benoni, why? Because im a vegan. I don't want no balogne."

"The more you donate, the more money I get."

"The more you donate the more holidays we go on."

(Insulting Hikaru Nakamura)

(Insulting trump/ trump supporters.)

"Noooooooooo!"

"How did white stop all these threats? He resigned."

"What would matt Larsen do? g4"

"Let's say you're watching the NBA, because I don't know you have brain damage or something."

"I could play blindfold 1 minute, but that's too easy."

"I don't see a future for this rook, sort of like the kids in this class."

"Mikhail Tal was born sick, like lady Gaga."

"What would Gregory Kaidanov say? Black is up a king."

"Notice it's check, because I said so."

"I only have two rules in my class
Don't talk unless you raise your hand and Dont raise your hand."

"The more classes you come to the more I get paid."

"Look in the mirror, don't do that it will break."

"If he did this he would have lost the game, but he was playing me, so he had a chance."

"Not so what. So - Mamadyarov"

"If you had anything more than an 8th grade education, you would know the difference between actualised and latent potential."

"Black can't play that, but he has a really good excuse, it's not his turn to move."

"Theory and Practice are the same in theory, but not in practice"

"Now white played h4, Simon Williams was proud."

"My name is Grandmaster Ben Finegold, ben is my middle name"

"Quadriple pawns are 4 times better " (courtesy: @rishabh11great)

"I'm going to follow you, just like last night."

"I'm not Frankenstein, I'm a grandmaster."

"If I die of a heart attack do I still win the game?"

"Whose that grandmaster that's rated like 1900, oh Simon Williams"

"Nothing, nothing"

"So black decided to resign, he must have learned it from Nixon."

"What would George Thoroughgood say? Move it on over."

"Not draw by repetition, draw by reputation."

"Threatening...., cause I said so"

"I could lecture about this position for an hour, why? Because I get paid by the hour."

"Are you guys computers or humans?"

"And now he shocked me, Peter Gabriel was asked to comment."

"Black has 1 legal move, King to i8"

"In the immortal words of Ben Finegold, GET OUT!"